Dear Jasmin,
I’ve been single for a little over a year now and I’m starting to want to date again, but I’m having a hard time meeting people here. I don’t like parties, I don’t really like online dating, and I’m terrified to just walk up to someone and start a conversation. What should I do?
You are in one of the best and worst positions of your life right now. The world is your oyster, but the oyster has parasites – the oyster being the dating pool.
While you have taken the time to become emotionally available, we unfortunately live in a society that feels like it prides itself on being lonely. There’s a whole bunch of new rules and games that seem to have appeared out of nowhere. The 3-6-9 rule, not texting back too fast, icks; every little move is analyzed and implies something. It can be hard to maneuver back into, but as long as you keep your heart open and don’t compromise your standards, the right person will stumble across your path.
Getting back into dating is more about practicing being out of your comfort zone than anything. I hate dating apps too, so don’t even bother. It’s a cesspool everywhere filled with poor intentions, but Humboldt especially has a heinously limited amount of profile swiping before you’ve completely lost hope in the dating pool around here.
Try talking to some people in your classes, joining a club either on or off-campus, or posting on the Humboldt Craigslist missed connections section. That’ll for sure get you some kind of response, though it may be a phallic photograph.
When you do approach someone new, or when you are approached, try thinking of it as making a new friend instead of meeting your future partner. This might help with the anxiety of striking up a conversation. Find something of theirs to compliment and feel out the vibe. More often than not, you meet your person when you’re least expecting it.
xoxo,
Jasmin