By Savana Robinson
My psychosis
My father carried me to his duty vehicle with my feet bloody and raw. I had run almost two miles from home — barefoot at night, in winter. This wasn’t even the peak of my psychotic episode. A few days later, I woke up being taken out of an ambulance after being given a shot by a nurse, which I was later told was most likely Haldol, an antipsychotic.
Leading up to this, I had known something wasn’t right for weeks. It was a weird feeling — like everything was wrong. Food had started to taste bland, my handwriting was getting worse and it was harder for others to understand, and I wasn’t sleeping well. Then, I started having visual and auditory hallucinations that made me paranoid, but I thought they were real at the time. I thought people were surveilling me and out to get me. My behavior was erratic and I was talking nonsense.
My family brought me home and I had a break. I thought there were explosives everywhere and I had to run for my life. I left my house late at night and ran onto the freeway and jumped the fence to the road adjacent. Someone pulled over and I begged them to let me hide in their car and they said the cops were coming to help me. My dad said that was the most fucked-up call he had ever responded to as a first responder. A few days later, I was admitted to a psychiatric facility after having horrible hallucinations in the hospital. I thought my family had been tortured and mutilated. I stayed there for nine days and was diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar I.
What is psychosis?
This was a psychotic episode, which was also the onset of my schizophrenia. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, psychosis happens most often to young adults in their late teens to mid-20s. I was 22 when mine happened. The Institute also lists behavior changes, such as difficulty telling fantasy from reality, paranoid ideas, sleeping less and trouble communicating.
Getting help
I had help from the Cal Poly Humboldt University Police, my motorcycle girlies, and my family. I had two hospital stays before I got mental health treatment in a facility that had social workers, therapists, and nurses. Afterwards, I got a therapist, a psychiatrist and started medication. Besides the trauma my own brain put me through, I got pretty lucky with my journey to the center of the Northern California mental health system.
If you believe you or someone you know may be experiencing psychosis, call the 24/7 county crisis line. Humboldt County’s number is 707-445-7715. Sempervirens Psychiatric Health Facility in Eureka is the only mental health facility in a 300-mile radius. I was taken from Ukiah to Red Bluff — 160 miles — for my treatment.
Moving forward
A year and a half after my episode, I’m the most successful I’ve ever been. My symptoms are manageable with medication and I can recognize when things start to get weird and I need to change something. Psychosis feels like the end of the world, but it’s not.
Savana Robinson is a senior journalism and film student who also works at Redwood News as a multimedia journalist. She likes cats, video games, and motorcycles.