The Lumberjack



Students Serving The Cal Poly Humboldt Campus and Community Since 1929

Day: April 2, 2024

  • Horoscopes except it’s the type of milk you drink

    Horoscopes except it’s the type of milk you drink

    Dumberjack is out now! Find it on a newsstand near you!

    Courtesy of Dumberjack reporter, Radio Rebel

    OAT – If you drink oat milk, you probably have a Costco membership just to buy the bulk boxes of Kirkland brand cartons that don’t last nearly as long as they should. You might be a psych major holding a vape right now, and if you aren’t – you’ve thought about it. 

    SOY – Are you someone who doesn’t eat meat? You might be a soy milk drinker. It’s time to take that much needed social media break and maybe pick up that book that’s been collecting dust on your bedside table. Extra points if the book is anything other than fantasy. 

    WHOLE – In a world of 100 different types of milk, with a new milk type trending every day, it can be hard to stick to your roots. Whether you’re only drinking whole milk in your coffee or by the glass, you’re proud to be an American. 

    GOATS – You grew up shopping at the local health food store and it shows. If you drink goat milk, you were probably homeschooled but turned out pretty okay. When you pull up to the picnic, you’re definitely bringing the Humboldt Fog, and we thank you for it. 

    HEMP – A cannabis studies major, obviously. Hemp milk drinkers prefer chai over coffee and will engage in long form conversation about plant medicine. Long hikes in the woods are fun, and the mushrooms are fruitful, but it might be time to consider making some friends to join you.

    MACADAMIA – As a macadamia milk drinker, you’re either an art major who spends way too much money at your local coffee shop, or you just had macadamia milk for the first time because they were out of hemp milk. I’ll see you later at the open mic. 

    LACTOSE FREE – You’re a freak! Or lactose intolerant. Either way, you’re getting freaky in the bedroom. Lactose free milk drinkers are extremely well hydrated, and pretty buff considering the size of the hydroflask they’re always lugging around. How does it feel spending your paychecks on Lactaid?

    ALMOND – you’re the kind of person who takes 20-minute showers and leaves the water on while you’re brushing your teeth. Humboldt is the dream for you because you’ve been on travel influencer TikTok since you were 15. We’ve already seen that picture of your hiking boots hanging off Strawberry Rock, no need to post it every sunny weekend. 

    COCONUT – If you’re sitting in your dorm room still grieving the fact the only coastal town college you got into was Humboldt… you might be a coconut milk drinker. You had to buy your first warm jacket six months ago, and your surfboard doesn’t get used nearly as much as it used to. It’s okay though, you’ve got your outdoor recreation class to keep you busy. 

    BREAST MILK – What. There are only 3 types of people drinking breast milk: babies, curious husbands, and creepers who frequent Craigslist. If you’re a college student, stay away from all three. 

    graphics by TeenyTinyRat and Radio Rebel
  • Jasmin’s corner; what-ifs

    Jasmin’s corner; what-ifs

    Hello Jasmin, 

    I have this special person with whom I had a long standing relationship with. Going to college sort of brought an end to things and we came to a mutual understanding, so the breakup wasn’t bad at all and we’re still friends. It’s been 3 long hard lame ass years and she still pollutes my mind – it’s ridiculous. I can say I’m over the emotional heartbreak, but I still think I’m hung up on the idea that something might come of the future when I’m making big money and able to support that type of relationship. I saw them recently after a year or two of not talking and they seemed interested, though maybe I’m delusional. What’re your thoughts on revisiting relationships and do you think it’d be a good idea to try and pick up the pieces, or should I continue on as is? 

    Friend, you’re not over the emotional heartbreak or the girl. Leaving for any reason besides losing feelings or realizing your partner was actually a bum the whole time is always going to leave you with unresolved feelings and daydream-ey what-ifs. 

    If you think she’s interested, I don’t see why you wouldn’t at least try – especially if you’re not long distance. If you are, consider where you might both be in the future before you get too excited. No one should have to suffer through a long distance rekindle with an ex. You very obviously are holding out for this girl, so I definitely recommend not seeking anyone else romantically until you figure out your feelings and what to do with them. We don’t want anyone else getting their feelings hurt. 

    I don’t know the reasons behind your breakup, but I do insist that you reflect on the bad parts of your relationship and not only the warm, fuzzy memories. I will never tell you not to follow your heart – I actually encourage it. If you don’t think the timing is right, you’re right – it never is. We’re given the cards we’re dealt and have to figure out how to play them accordingly. You can show your love without having a big money job. The future isn’t promised and we have to act while the people we love are still around us. Just try to not be too aggressive or forthcoming with it.

    All in all, the only person that can tell you what to do is you. Would you rather suffer through the what-ifs or just find out for yourself? Is finding out for yourself worth the potential let-down of a second breakup? You tell me. 

    xoxo,

  • Depressing Dishes: recipes for when you’re feeling down

    By Alexandra Berrocal

    I normally don’t like spinach because people typically serve it raw. Many people don’t like “creamed” spinach either. Try this recipe. It isn’t raw, or creamed. It is simple to make. It is also very nutritious because it includes soybean paste, which adds nutrients. According to a research paper called Effects of Doenjang, traditional Korean Soybean paste has anti-obesity, anti-diabetic, anti-cancer, and anti-inflammatory properties. Garlic is also known as a natural antibiotic. The blanching in the cooking process also leaves most of the nutrients intact, unlike the boiling process in other recipes. 

    Depressed people often don’t feel up to doing anything fun. It was my goal in publishing “I am the darkness”, my recent cookbook, to let people know they aren’t alone in their depression. And, if they want to cook a recipe along the way, well, that’s great too!  The tofu recipe is also easy to multiply in case you want to serve it to others. The tofu recipe, on the other hand, is a simple, tasty way to prepare tofu. Usually tofu is a bit bland, but the sauce counters this. It is a good way to add more protein to your diet. You can combine the spinach and the tofu into a simple meal, if you like.

    SOY SPINACH

    1 bunch spinach (or other greens)

    Salt

    1 tablespoon soybean paste

    1 minced clove garlic

    1 tablespoon sesame oil

    Toasted sesame seeds

    Wash spinach and remove dead leaves and roots. Blanch spinach for about 20 seconds in boiling water. Cool with cold running water. Gently squeeze to get out as much excess water as possible. Add soybean paste, garlic, and sesame oil. Mix it all by hand. Sprinkle some sesame seeds on top as garnish.

    PAN FRIED TOFU

    1 package medium firm tofu

    1 tablespoon avocado oil

    1 green onion

    4 teaspoons soy sauce

    2 teaspoons rice vinegar

    1 teaspoon sesame seeds

    1 teaspoon sugar

    Blot the tofu with paper towels. Cut the tofu block in half, then into slices.  Grease the pan with the oil. Place the tofu in the pan without overlapping or touching. Put the lid on the pan and cook for three minutes on high heat, or until crispy and golden brown on one side. Repeat on the other side.

    Thinly slice green onion, and combine all other ingredients in a bowl for the sauce. Enjoy!

  • An excerpt from Sanctuary

    An excerpt from Sanctuary

    Sanctuary: A book of essays on faith (with some romantic poetry mixed in) 

    By Alexandra Berrocal

    I

    Dream of

    Red hair and

    Soft green eyes. 

    The eyes of my mother.

    I have dreamed of her for

    Decades upon decades and

    Centuries upon centuries.  I paint

    Her because she is clear when all fades.

    The one thing I reliably recall.

    She walks into the front door of my space

    I feel like she has entered myself

    And with every painting she sees

    She gazes into my soul.

    A soul that’s filled with her.

    For time after time

    I look at her

    And feel I

    Collapse 

    In.

    Graphic by Griffin Mancuso
  • To fuck or not to fuck… your co-workers

    To fuck or not to fuck… your co-workers

    By Christina Mehr and Andres Felix Romero

    To fuck:

    Do you like making money? Do you like making love? Well, why not combine the two?

    I believe in messing around with the people you work with. The dating pool in Humboldt is already limited, so you have to take them where you can get them. If you’re already spread so thin between classes, homework, and work, why not get spread by someone you are literally getting paid to see? It’s the best of both worlds. 

    There’s plenty of benefits to being in cahoots with your coworkers, like getting to flirt with them in passing, sharing rides to work if you share the same schedule, or sneaking away together on breaks. On the plus side, if your work is getting overwhelming, you can turn that into sexual frustration towards that coworker. It creates some fun and exciting drama in an otherwise boring workplace. Having a work crush is amusing and gives you some more motivation to actually want to go to work. 

    However, I understand the opposing side of, ‘what if we break up or get in trouble?’ or whatever, but honestly if you’re at a minimum-wage college job, just go ahead and do it for the plot. 

    To not fuck:

    Workplace romance – it’s fun and exciting, but also a potential threat to you and your emotional wellbeing. I’m not disagreeing that a romance in the workplace isn’t a bit of a thrill, but from another perspective, you might be walking into a game where everybody can lose. 

    Obviously, things can get awkward if the passion fizzles out. Breakups hurt and can be as devastating as losing a loved one. Sometimes, breakups can be amicable. However, how many of you have had those relationships (or situationships) end with your gut feeling like it’s been poisoned? The lovely person who once made you smile suddenly turns into a bitter and painful relationship? 

    Want to know the cherry on top of the heartbreak cake? Imagine losing someone you care deeply about, then seeing them when you walk into the place that pays your bills, and seeing customers flirt with your former beloved. Jealousy is a poison, and it’ll infest your workplace and create tensions and conditions that are toxic and unbearable.

    Now, flirting in itself is a whole other beast of ethics, however the general rule is to back the hell off when someone isn’t showing interest or signs that they’re uncomfortable. At a bar or party, it’s easier for someone who isn’t interested to get some distance from your flirting skills. At a workplace, your crush is probably stuck with you. Do you really want to risk making your crush uncomfortable? Do you really want to make it awkward when y’all work together? Do you really want to go to human resources (HR)?

    If you have a little crush, it’s not the end of the world. A lesson I’ve learned is that it can be harder to control our feelings, but we are in control of our actions. I agree that the rush can be fun, but all highs have to come down when we come back to reality. It’s like a bong rip just before a morning class. It sounds great, and for a while, you feel like you’re walking on the clouds doing something you really shouldn’t be doing.