Lonely Quiet Highway and The Great Failure
By Alexandra Berrocal
Natalie Goldberg woke up at 5 a.m. to go to the zendo, a Japanese meditation hall. She described waking up in the biting cold and walking in the freezing snow; the wind, the cold, how punishing a routine this was to engage in before going to work, school, or wherever she needed to go. It mirrored how demanding Zen Buddhism—a Japanese sect of Buddhism that emphasizes meditation—could be to follow. This was especially true during practice sessions, where a person would go to the zendo to meditate more often than usual—both in the early morning and late into the afternoon and night. Zen may have a reputation for serenity, but it is not a faith for wussies.
Goldberg wrote about the experience of being a Zen Buddhist with a Jewish background in America in her book, Long Quiet Highway: Waking Up in America. She further explores these themes in The Great Faliure her sequel to Long Quiet Highway.
Natalie explores how she dealt with death compared how her husband dealt with the loss of his parent. At one point, she wrote that while her husband was at the deathbed of his parent, she was at the zendo extolling impermanence. It was her way of running from the problem. She doesn’t go into greater detail about this, but the little she does say is very intriguing and sad.
Long Quiet Highway is also about Goldberg’s relationship with Katagiri Roshi, her beloved Zen teacher, but it places him in a far more idealized role. In that book, Katagiri taught her a lot about life in general. However, I think The Great Failure is a lot more interesting. The quality of the writing is lacking — some of the writing feels like it belongs in a journal, not a memoir, especially the parts where Goldberg is speaking to Roshi. However, the themes it tackles are far more meaningful — at least to me. It talks about how lonely it can be to be a spiritual leader.
Goldberg says that she never loved any man as much as she loved Katagiri Roshi. I found this very moving. Goldberg is married for a good portion of Long Quiet Highway, and Roshi is also married for the entire time he knew her. For most of both books, Roshi respected Goldberg’s marrige, and he even gave her good advice after she fought with her husband.
He adivses her to be quiet and really think carefully before she says anything in a heated moment and to not speak rashly. Unfortunately, she doesn’t follow that advice, and her marriage ends in divorce. She comes to understand the significance of his advice quite some time later.
Ultimately, Long Quiet Highway and The Great Failure is a love story between Goldberg and Roshi. It is profound because by the end of both books, she doesn’t have any illusions about Roshi anymore. However, she loves him just as much. If you’re seeking a somewhat unconventional story of the love that can exist between a person and their spiritual teacher, look no further, this is the story.
Alexandra Berrocal is a self-published author who has written fifteen books. She likes to crochet and draw, as well as read and write. She is from Orange County. They like dogs, and they sing alto in a choir. If you have an idea for a book she could review, email them at alexandraberrocal@gmail.com.