The Lumberjack



Students Serving The Cal Poly Humboldt Campus and Community Since 1929

Tag: Cats

  • Is my cat mad at me?

    Cats are weird animals. This is an established fact among anyone who has ever seen one. Fortunately, this behavior does have several explanations! Rest assured, your cat doesn’t hate you for cleaning up after him. He hates you for reasons he refuses to divulge to the press.

    One of the most likely explanations is simple curiosity. Cats are inquisitive creatures, and they may not be sure what you’re doing. The act of burying their waste is an instinctual behavior to hide their scent from predators, and seeing you dig up what they so carefully hid might confuse them. Somewhere in the world, a cat is writing to a cat advice column to ask why his human is carelessly revealing their presence to wolves.

    Cats also like to watch what their humans are doing, and even try to participate. We’ve all been at our computers and had a cat sprawl across the keyboard to see what the hype is about. This behavior is called mirroring. It’s a sign that your cat wants to be included in whatever strange thing you’re doing, and it’s the cat’s way of spending quality time with you. If your cat is sitting by you or even putting a paw in the litter, he’s simply doing his best to help. It’s not his fault he has no thumbs.

    On the other hand, cats are territorial animals. They see your home as their home and everything in it as theirs. The litter box is the only place inside where they can relieve themselves. Seeing you clean it out, the cat wants to supervise you, essentially to ensure you clean it properly and that there will still be a litter box when you’re done. However, territorial behavior can go a bit far. If your cat hisses at you or even attacks you when you clean up after them, this could mean that they feel insecure and unsafe. It’s a good idea to get your cat a second box to use while you clean the first one outside, to give the cat a bit of security that there will always be a usable litter box.

    So long as the cat has an adequately sized box and a sense of consistency, he shouldn’t be angry at you for keeping it tidy. Odds are he appreciates it, as cats like to keep their space clean. Plus, he can only bury his waste so deep and appreciates you hiding his location from large predatory birds. Yes, human. Put the dirty litter in a bag to be taken far from this place. Our enemies shall not find us here.

  • How Not To Be Bitten By A Kitten

    How Not To Be Bitten By A Kitten

    Please prepare to be prey

    Congratulations, a baby feline has recently come into your life. If they’re anywhere from 2-18 months, they bite. They see you as prey. Because you are prey. You always have been. You always will be. Yet, you are also their servant and being bitten can interfere with your duties. After a lifetime of servitude, I have learnt to minimize these attacks and I am willing to divulge my secrets to you.

    Squeak: I have no idea how to do this, but according to the internet, it works.Tell them that you are hurt by their actions. Cry loudly in a high-pitched voice. Leave them in your room while you go over to your neighbors’ yard and let their cat rub your legs. Go back home and shower in shame.

    Diversions: If you have an old scarf, tie or ribbon lying around, wave it to your kitty. Move in a jerky pattern but stay in the same spot. This will attract their attention and give them a location to pounce. You can also get toys on a string attached to a stick, but they’re easily chewed through. The ferrets are nice and sturdy, but might not always appeal to your kitty aesthetically. Ask your overlord what their favorite color is. Cats can see shades of blue, grey and green, and perceive some other colors as purple.

    Wear armor: Thick socks, hoodies and blankets will soften the blows, especially when warm from the dryer. When armored, wiggle your toes until they pounce. Now you are free to perform your duties with your supreme royal attached to your feet.

    Play dead: Do not try this on a dog, but it seems to work well with cats. Let your limbs go limp and hide under the covers. Ensure that there are no gaps their majesty can squeeze into and wait until they settle on top of you and fall asleep. If for some tragic reason you are not in bed, hide your arms behind your back. Depending on their mood, this comes with the risk of getting your face pounced on. If you sense this is about to happen, make a sudden, full body move. This will startle them long enough for you to grab the nearest toy and throw it far away.

    When all else fails, resign yourself to a life of being the cat’s quarry. You are a chew toy and you will get chewed on. You chose this, because you know that life without an apex predator in it is not a life worth living.