by Alexandra Berrocal
We’ve all heard of straight, gay, and bisexual people. But what about asexual people?
Asexual people are people who do not experience sexual attraction.
Abigail Vonderschmitt, a music major who is in her first year at Cal Poly Humboldt, has always known that she is asexual. When she discovered the term a couple of years ago, she instantly related to the term. When she came out, nothing really changed. People treated her normally.
She made it clear to her partner early on, and she was blessed with an understanding partner.
“There’s more to it than what the media portrays,” Vonderschmitt said. “I know how to express myself and know how to put into words how I feel,” she said.
A history major going only as Adam with a concentration in education, currently identifies as demisexual, which is an identity that is on the asexual spectrum.
“It’s something I’ve been exploring for about a year now,” he said.
He acknowledges that for masculine people, questioning your (a)sexuality is not the norm. Adam has not really come out, at least not to his parents. He has noted that people don’t understand asexuality the way they do other sexualities.
“I imagine there’d be a lot of explaining to do,” Adam said.
Adam believes that it’s important to continue educating people and that gender roles need to be addressed. He wishes people understood the intricacies of asexuality, and that people could go beyond stereotypes and understand how identities can be fluid. Being on the spectrum of asexuality has definitely made for some challenges in the dating realm, because for many, sexuality goes hand in hand with romantic attraction.
“People come in with expectations and you can’t deliver on them,” Adam said.
He believes it would be easier to fit into the societal norm, but has done the work to break free.
“I love understanding myself better and understanding I’m not broken for not wanting to be a certain way,” Adam said.
An anonymous computer science major, who asked to be called “Jane”, knew she was asexual back in middle school. When she tried to speak about it to others, she got backlash; some told her it wasn’t a real thing. Jane went back into the closet after that. It was only recently that she started to accept herself again. She is not out to her parents, as they are not very queer friendly. Her former partner told her that asexuality wasn’t possible, which is one of the reasons they broke up. Her current friend group is accepting, however. She doesn’t want to explain or defend herself, so she hasn’t come out to very many people.
“I still get imposter syndrome,” Jane said.
Jane has seen doubtful comments on social media, but tries to surround herself with supportive people. She wishes people understood that sexual attraction is different from arousal. Asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction to people, no matter how your body reacts.
“It’s a wide spectrum,” Jane said. “[It’s impacted my dating life] a lot.”
“Honestly, I haven’t had any luck finding asexual guys,” Jane said. “[However], I feel like I have a deeper understanding of sexuality, and how diverse and fluid it can be.”
She’s had sex, though she doesn’t feel much of anything during it.
Another asexual student, going by E., is an Environmental Studies major with a concentration in ecological restoration in her third year at Cal Poly Humboldt. She first realized she was asexual in middle school. She changed her mind for several years, but a couple of years ago, rediscovered the asexual spectrum and has identified as asexual ever since. According to her, it has been a winding journey. Her parents didn’t take her ace identity seriously. They thought it was a phase and didn’t care much. She also came out as a trans woman, and this was taken more seriously by her parents. Most of her friends accept her, however. She said that being asexual has never been used against her very directly, though many people are ignorant about it. She has found it very annoying, but it hasn’t caused her real issues. She says she wishes people knew there isn’t just one option, or way, asexuality can look.
“Asexuality is a really broad spectrum,” E. said. “People have different interests.”
The biggest impact for her is if a person has expectations, it will turn out badly for them. E. noted that since she doesn’t experience sexual attraction, she is drawn to people by aesthetic attraction. E. is also aromantic, meaning she doesn’t experience romantic attraction either. However, she still wants deep emotional relationships. She is currently in a relationship, and cares for her partner deeply, more than a close friend even. E. wishes people would be more aware of this.
