The Lumberjack



Students Serving The Cal Poly Humboldt Campus and Community Since 1929

Tag: situationship

  • Jasmin’s Corner; nothing is scarier than being stuck

    Jasmin’s Corner; nothing is scarier than being stuck

    by Jasmin Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin,

    I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. I’ve known for a long while that we aren’t compatible as people, but we still have fun together. He’s just not emotionally mature, and lacks sincerity. We don’t ever really have substantial conversation – most of the time we spend just rotting together. I love his friend group though and things aren’t all bad. I just don’t want to lose everything I’ve built with him. I’m also so scared of how painful the breakup would be, ruining my semester and making it so hard to do the things I need and want to do. I am at a point where I feel stuck and have no clue what to do. Please help!

    Stuck is exactly where you need to be sometimes to realize you have to force some change in your life. No one wants to feel stuck – but no one’s gonna save you from it, either. 

    Two years is a pretty long time to get to know someone. What I think you should ask yourself is, would you still date the person you’re with if you knew everything you knew now? Would you still date them as they are? Or, are you dating this person with the intention of changing them? 

    We often find ourselves fixing things into the ways we want them to be, and unfortunately, people just aren’t like that. If they aren’t willing to put the work in to change for themselves, they aren’t going to put the work in to change for you – and they shouldn’t. You should date someone you feel is on your level and they should date someone who accepts them as they are. 

    Of course, you can grow together, but sometimes one person grows faster than the other. It’s okay to outgrow people, but we have to be willing to accept the consequences of letting them go. 

    Being alone is scary, and the Humboldt dating pool is even scarier. To me, however, nothing is scarier than being stuck. 

    In your comfortability, you’re losing time and opportunity. Your relationship isn’t a death sentence unless you let it be; you can find someone new to build with, you can make new friends and you can feel good.  Yes, you’re somewhat comfortable now, but imagine how happy you could be.

    Be honest, do you really see yourself marrying this person? If they proposed to you tomorrow, would you be excited? It doesn’t seem like it. 

    Free yourself of your love-made shackles, let yourself be uncomfortable and find yourself within your pain. 

    xoxo, 

    Jasmin

  • Jasmin Corner; leave your situationship

    Jasmin Corner; leave your situationship

    By Jasmin Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin, 

    Can I be in love with someone I’m not dating? This situationship has got me fucked up.

    How do I answer this without coming off like a complete bitch? Your situationship is not real. That’s not to say your feelings aren’t real, or that the love doesn’t exist – but a situationship is not a real thing. The creation of the label “situationship” has opened the doors for this generation to participate in an unwinnable battle: The IDGAF wars. I like you, so let’s find out which one of us can care the least to keep the other person interested without fully committing? 

    What is a situationship? To me, it’s one person caring more than the other. One person giving more than the other. One person receiving more than the other — you get it. A situationship will never fulfill you in the ways you’re looking for. Rather, this infatuation will leave you feeling more hollow. One person will always have more power than the other. 

    That’s not to say I don’t understand where you’re coming from; you caught feelings for the wrong person. It happens to the best of us. At the core of it, we are all just creatures looking for love, security, comfort, happiness; we want to feel desired and safe. There is no safety in a situationship. In fact, more often than not, they all have a three month shelf life. Seriously, name one situationship where things stayed good after that three month mark — if that existed, it would evolve into a relationship. 

    “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

    Everyone, their mother and their mother’s single best friend knows this phrase. It’s true though! We often don’t love ourselves enough to believe we deserve better, and so we stay in the situation(ships) we know because it’s the space we’ve decided to fill. You deserve to take up space with someone who will appreciate how you light up the room. 

    xoxo, 

    Jasmin