by Jasmin Shirazian
Hi Jasmin,
I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. I’ve known for a long while that we aren’t compatible as people, but we still have fun together. He’s just not emotionally mature, and lacks sincerity. We don’t ever really have substantial conversation – most of the time we spend just rotting together. I love his friend group though and things aren’t all bad. I just don’t want to lose everything I’ve built with him. I’m also so scared of how painful the breakup would be, ruining my semester and making it so hard to do the things I need and want to do. I am at a point where I feel stuck and have no clue what to do. Please help!
Stuck is exactly where you need to be sometimes to realize you have to force some change in your life. No one wants to feel stuck – but no one’s gonna save you from it, either.
Two years is a pretty long time to get to know someone. What I think you should ask yourself is, would you still date the person you’re with if you knew everything you knew now? Would you still date them as they are? Or, are you dating this person with the intention of changing them?
We often find ourselves fixing things into the ways we want them to be, and unfortunately, people just aren’t like that. If they aren’t willing to put the work in to change for themselves, they aren’t going to put the work in to change for you – and they shouldn’t. You should date someone you feel is on your level and they should date someone who accepts them as they are.
Of course, you can grow together, but sometimes one person grows faster than the other. It’s okay to outgrow people, but we have to be willing to accept the consequences of letting them go.
Being alone is scary, and the Humboldt dating pool is even scarier. To me, however, nothing is scarier than being stuck.
In your comfortability, you’re losing time and opportunity. Your relationship isn’t a death sentence unless you let it be; you can find someone new to build with, you can make new friends and you can feel good. Yes, you’re somewhat comfortable now, but imagine how happy you could be.
Be honest, do you really see yourself marrying this person? If they proposed to you tomorrow, would you be excited? It doesn’t seem like it.
Free yourself of your love-made shackles, let yourself be uncomfortable and find yourself within your pain.
xoxo,
Jasmin
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