The Lumberjack student newspaper
Graphic illustration by Freddy Brewster

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So, this week did not have any marijuana-related incidents. Good job guys! However, there was a stuck raccoon in a sewer grate, some ghosts and a few incidents of actual crime on campus, one involving a man trying to break into a vehicle while someone was in it. Make sure to avoid traveling alone at night and if you have to, call UPD for a late-night escort. They can be reached at (707) 826-5555.

The Rolling Count:

Possession charges = 4

Contraband/paraphernalia seizures = 2

Holler hootie hoo!

Monday Feb. 25

· HELP I’m stuck!—“Solo female stuck inside the elevator” in the Jolly Giant commons. Guys, take the stairs.

· HELP that thing is stuck!—Someone around 17 and B streets called UPD to report “a raccoon that appears to be stuck in a sewer grate.” Must have been a chubby bubby.

· Good guy alert—Someone locked their keys in their car and UPD helped them out. Thanks fellas!

Tuesday Feb. 26

· Good guy alert x2—UPD helped with a late-night escort and locked car doors. And that was all that really happened this day…pretty chill really.

Wednesday Feb. 27

· Car troubles—Someone backed into a parked car around Laurel Drive and B Street and that’s all that really happened this day.

Thursday Feb. 28

· Whose dog is that?—A dog was “running loose” near Founder’s Hall. Parking officers caught the lil’ buddy and it was returned to the owner.

· Ghosts again—UPD responded to an emergency call from the elevator at University Plaza. No one was there when they showed up so it has to be ghosts.

· Danger bike—You know that bike that someone puts in the top rack of the skateboard rack outside the library? Yeah someone called the cops on it. Someone called the cops on a bike…locked in a rack…

Friday March 1

· I’m not leaving—Someone refused to leave the Kinesiology and Athletics building at 11:49 p.m., so the custodian called UPD. Late-night swole sessions have to end at some time guys.

· Fun police!—UPD assisted the Arcata Police in breaking up three parties. Freakin’ buzzkill guys. Let us rage in peace.

· Actual crime—Someone was caught trying to steal bikes near the Madrone Residence Hall. The person was arrested and had outstanding warrents.

· Actual crime part deux—Someone stole a bike an hour after the other guy was arrested.

· That is not my post—Someone called UPD because they noticed that there was a Facebook post that they did not make. I’m not a lawyer but I don’t think this is a crime and the person probably didn’t log out of their account or their friend is messing with them. Lighten up!

Saturday March 2

· Fun police x2—UPD helped break up more parties! This one was on 12th Street. Lame!!!!!

Sunday March 3

· Actual crime—Someone was “inside of his vehicle when a male attempted to break [in].” The person fled the scene but was later arrested and had an outstanding warrant. Be careful out there everyone, it seems like crime is on the rise lately. I wonder if it has to do with the lack of sunshine?

· Graffiti—Someone called the cops because “a large piece of plastic… was spray painted” in the forest near Creekview. Really? The graffiti probably made that “large piece of plastic” look better.

· “Suspicious circumstances”—Someone knocked over some bikes at the Tan Oak Residence Hall and someone may or may not have stolen a tire.

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