by Jasmin Shirazian
Hi Jasmin,
I hooked up with my crush of 3 months, who’s my dream-man and I never thought it
would happen. Afterwards, he told me that he had a recent breakup and he’s only in the space for friendship, but he would still love to see me and hangout… should I play the long game or give it up? (He’s a bass player, tall and sexy and very sweet).
The long game: what could either be the most enchanting experience of your life, or the
worst waste of time and energy you’ve ever put into anything. The thing about the long-game is, you’re putting someone on a pedestal that they didn’t ask to be put on. You’re expecting something to come about, rather than allowing it to naturally happen the way the hookup did. Having expectations of people, besides the bare minimum of respect and kindness, is a recipe for disappointment. That’s not to say you shouldn’t have standards, but having unfair expectations based on your idealized image of a person isn’t fair to anyone involved. Now, I am in no way shape or form saying you’re not allowed to have hope, or continue to flirt. If anything, the build up of sexual tension that comes with being friends with someone you’ve hooked up with, that you would be down to hookup with again, is exhilarating. That’s why it’s a trope in damn-near every rom-com – it’s sexy, it’s anticipation; everyone loves a slow burn. What I am saying is: don’t base your future around him; don’t avoid other partners for him, don’t keep toxic people around for him, and so on and so forth. You can be friends and touch each other’s body parts, but you can’t expect him to take responsibility for your emotions if you start getting a little too hopeful about your relationship.
If you think you can separate your feelings and your expectations, then I say stick around and see what happens, but don’t hold your breath unless you’re willing to pass out. If you’re hot enough to bag your momentary dream-man, you’re hot enough to bag the next one,
too.
xoxo,
jasmin