The Lumberjack



Students Serving The Cal Poly Humboldt Campus and Community Since 1929

Tag: advice column

  • Jasmin’s Corner: Treat yourself better

    Jasmin’s Corner: Treat yourself better

    by Jasmin Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin,

    I feel like men only really want me for my body? Am I doing something wrong?

    My friend, it’s not necessarily that you’re doing something wrong, but perhaps you’re not treating yourself well. As someone who spent her teenage years feeling this way, it took a long time for me to realize that I was centering my value – and really, my life – around men, specifically their validation. 

    I spent a really long time looking for ways to prove I was worthy of love, and I recognize now that that led to becoming very hypersexual. And while that made for me to be a decent love and relationship writer, it also created a pattern of accepting men into my life that had no business being there. 

    I allowed men to validate me through my body and this took several years of introspection to begin to break the habit. It appears in subconscious ways, such as begging for a text back, allowing the title of ‘situationship’ and plenty of other ways in which we accept crumbs of love. We make excuses for behaviors we wouldn’t exhibit to justify how it makes us feel, but that doesn’t mean we deserve it – or that we need it at all. 

    That’s not to say that you’ve done the same thing, because there are also plenty of wolves in sheep’s clothing out there, but I recommend reflecting on why you accept the love that is offered to you and if you lower your value to accept it. 

    Oftentimes, we are so self-critical that we miss the worth and light within ourselves. I don’t necessarily think you’re doing anything wrong, but I don’t think you’re treating yourself right. It won’t be a quick and easy process, but I remember the first time I didn’t beg for a text back from a guy I really liked – that obviously didn’t respect me – I felt, what I think, was my first true sense of self-respect, at least in regards to dating. 

    I had to learn that sometimes it’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. I had to spend time with myself and enjoy my own company to realize the value in it, and I think that would be good for you, too. 

    All the love for you.

    xoxo, 

    Jasmin

  • Jasmin’s Corner: Ghoster, ghostie, gone

    Jasmin’s Corner: Ghoster, ghostie, gone

    by Jasmins Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin, 

    The guy I recently ghosted became my neighbor, and I found out the guy I’m talking to now is his roommate. Neither of them know yet, but he invited me to come over tonight. Me and the other guy ended on really awful terms and I don’t even think he would let me in his house – like I made him cry. I kinda want to just go over and see what happens. Thoughts?

    Oh, you’re a messy bitch – I love you! Let me tell you, there are messier situations you could be in. Like, say they were brothers and you swapped them out for each other within a 24 hour cycle… been there done that, amirite? Point is, even though you’re stuck between a cock and a hard place, there are bigger cocks and harder places, so don’t fret. 

    In life, we often find ourselves in sitcoms all the time. Sometimes I say to just live for the plot! If you like this guy, why not try to see what happens with him? You’re going to have to be honest with him about your previous situation with his roommate, but we are literally all adults. dibs aren’t real and winner takes all. If you click, you click and if you don’t, you don’t. Worst case scenario, if he’s a ‘bro-code’ kind of guy, you’re honestly dodging a bullet anyway. 

    Though, it kind of seems like you owe the other guy an apology. I’m not sure how intense of a relationship you had with him, but you should definitely sit down and say sorry for ghosting him – it’s just a shitty thing to do all around if you hung out for more than a few weeks. As a ghoster and a ghostie, I’ve learned there are better ways of handling those situations than leaving unfinished business; shit always has a way of staying in your cheeks. Unless he was being weird or threatening – if that’s the case, just leave the whole house alone. 

    You’ll all be fine in the end. 5 years from now, I bet none of you will matter to each other. Have fun, be wild, have sex with whoever you want to, have an orgy, use a rubber, get tested, and always have enthusiastic consent!

    xoxo,

    jasmin

  • Jasmin’s Corner: Your dream man only exists in your dreams

    Jasmin’s Corner: Your dream man only exists in your dreams

    by Jasmin Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin,
    I hooked up with my crush of 3 months, who’s my dream-man and I never thought it
    would happen. Afterwards, he told me that he had a recent breakup and he’s only in the space for friendship, but he would still love to see me and hangout… should I play the long game or give it up? (He’s a bass player, tall and sexy and very sweet).

    The long game: what could either be the most enchanting experience of your life, or the
    worst waste of time and energy you’ve ever put into anything. The thing about the long-game is, you’re putting someone on a pedestal that they didn’t ask to be put on. You’re expecting something to come about, rather than allowing it to naturally happen the way the hookup did. Having expectations of people, besides the bare minimum of respect and kindness, is a recipe for disappointment. That’s not to say you shouldn’t have standards, but having unfair expectations based on your idealized image of a person isn’t fair to anyone involved. Now, I am in no way shape or form saying you’re not allowed to have hope, or continue to flirt. If anything, the build up of sexual tension that comes with being friends with someone you’ve hooked up with, that you would be down to hookup with again, is exhilarating. That’s why it’s a trope in damn-near every rom-com – it’s sexy, it’s anticipation; everyone loves a slow burn. What I am saying is: don’t base your future around him; don’t avoid other partners for him, don’t keep toxic people around for him, and so on and so forth. You can be friends and touch each other’s body parts, but you can’t expect him to take responsibility for your emotions if you start getting a little too hopeful about your relationship.

    If you think you can separate your feelings and your expectations, then I say stick around and see what happens, but don’t hold your breath unless you’re willing to pass out. If you’re hot enough to bag your momentary dream-man, you’re hot enough to bag the next one,
    too.

    xoxo,
    jasmin

  • Jasmin’s Corner: We’re all fucking the same people

    Jasmin’s Corner: We’re all fucking the same people

    by Jasmin Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin, 

    So, my community is running low on eligible and promiscuous singles. The whole town is starting to feel incestuous because we’ve all fucked each other, and it’s becoming more difficult to have casual sex with new people. Any advice? 

    If there were any words of warning I wish I had received before coming to this fuck-bucket of a dating pool, it would be that the ‘pool’ is definitely more of a puddle. This is one of those situations where no matter what kind of advice I could give you, the only true solution to this problem is to get the hell out of Dodge – or in this case, Humboldt. 

    Humboldt is so peculiar in its ratio of available hotties; the amount of beautiful women and non-binary/gender-fluid/etc folks is damn near abundant, whereas the variety and hotness of the male population is um… less than ideal. Like, bottom-of-the-barrel less than ideal. I’ve definitely said this before and I’ll definitely say it again, but the four variations of man that exist in Humboldt are all dirty in their own way. I’ve been lucky enough to track down and secure the hottest of the hotties, but not everyone is as aggressive as I am, so I understand the struggle. My point is, the ratio makes it even harder to find a new body, depending on which way(s) you swing. 

    Now, not all hope is lost. My roommates and I have been holding our breaths, hoping that this next wave of transfers coming for our brand-new Cal Poly title will bring at least a couple hundred hotties with it. If even that doesn’t end up panning out for you, then I think we both know what you need to do: if you’ve fucked all there is to be fucked, you must spread your wings and fuck elsewhere. Otherwise, you’re just fucking yourself – which, I’m sure you’ve already considered. 

    xoxo, 

    jasmin

  • Ask Evergreen: Reveal and Reflect

    Ask Evergreen: Reveal and Reflect

    Ask Evergreen signing off

    Ask Evergreen is an advice column by the students of The Lumberjack

    It all started with a couple blank posters taped in bathroom stalls. With this advice column as Ask Evergreen I’ve been able to connect with students in a surprising way. I’ve learned their worries and hopes and struggled alongside them as I sought the best advice to respond to each inquiry.

    Giving advice isn’t easy. It’s a constant back-and-forth of weighing the options and outcomes. The best advice is that which comes from honesty and reality—that’s the advice that sinks in the most. Things won’t always turn out alright or in your favor, but knowing how to pivot and adapt will allow for opportunities of growth and understanding.

    I hope what I’ve had to say has impacted readers, even if I’m not qualified to give advice—no one really is. Only you have the power to tell yourself what to do, I can only wish for the best result with my guiding words.

    Each week’s questions taught me more about myself than I would’ve expected. Each question offered me a chance to step into someone else’s shoes and feel the situation they were in.

    At times it was difficult to come up with something meaningful to say. Some questions left me stumped for advice. Although other questions were easier to answer than others, each was a learning experience.

    No matter how trivial or serious a question was—whether it was a question about fixing a relationship after finding a secret Instagram account, or how to set boundaries with a sexually harassing housemate—I’ve learned the best way to set someone on a clearer path isn’t through belittling or dismissal it’s through consideration and caution.

    Sometimes it’s best to have advice come from someone completely not involved in your life, and I’ve been grateful to have this opportunity to lend my thoughts to others.

  • Ask Evergreen: Concerned Citizen

    Ask Evergreen: Concerned Citizen

    How to live through a pandemic

    Ask Evergreen is an advice column by the students of The Lumberjack

    Dear Evergreen,

    How do I live in this pandemic?

    Dear Concerned Citizen,

    We’re living through history right now amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. There are many ways you can prevent potential exposure while still leading a balanced life.

    Educate yourself. Learn about the causes, symptoms and preventative measures of this respiratory virus. The California Department of Public Health has pertinent information you should read up on. While Humboldt County is not on the list for community transmissions, it is offering lab testing for suspected cases of the illness. The CDPH news updates page offers consistent updates.

    Isolate yourself. Don’t go out unless it’s necessary. While you may want to see your friends during spring break, don’t expose yourself to others who may not be practicing precautionary measures.

    If you’ve traveled home for break, be mindful of where you go out. It’s OK to not do normal spring break activities. Avoid going to clubs, restaurants, bars and breweries. It’s unlikely someone diagnosed with COVID-19 will be out in these places, but for the benefit of the doubt, you never know if they’ve been in contact with someone who has.

    Protect others. You may not realize how vulnerable certain age groups are to infectious diseases. Young children, the elderly and those with weakened immune systems are more susceptible to become ill. These groups are also less likely to be able to fend off illnesses, so limit interactions with the outside world for the sake of those near you in these populations.

    Prepare yourself. It’s going to get worse before it gets better. Practicing all of the former will help you better understand this illness and prevent further spreading. Just like after any natural disaster, awareness is heightened and preparedness begins for the next event. We shouldn’t wait for something to happen to be prepared for it the next time.

    Instead, we should always be ready for anything—cautious, but not panicked. Take this time to assess your emergency plans and supplies. Don’t stock up on unnecessary items like toilet paper. Do gather important survival gear to assemble a go-bag if you haven’t already. Ensure you have enough non-perishable food to last a potential quarantine or even a self-isolation period. Make sure you have your prescriptions filled, disinfectant stocked and all other daily necessities.

    Advocate for yourself. Perhaps your work has shuttered its doors and you’re worried about your next paycheck. Speak to your boss about what this pandemic means for your employment. Conserve your finances. With the stock market as unstable as it is right now, it’s wise to curb your spending. Don’t waste money on another bottle of hand sanitizer—instead, invest in the necessities.

    Relieve yourself. Don’t forget to take your mental health into account during this chaotic time. Reach out to loved ones and check on their well-being while updating them about yours. Find some stress relieving activities for you to do as you practice social distancing. Paint something, start meditating, study a new language or even do your taxes. There are plenty of things to occupy yourself with that are both peaceful and productive.

    We’re in this together.

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Fretful Fueler

    Ask Evergreen: Fretful Fueler

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    Is driving to Eureka for Costco gas worth it?

    Dear Fretful Fueler,

    Gas prices in California are some of the highest in the nation, with prices often spilling over $4.00 a gallon, but Costco offers some of the cheapest gas.

    Costco is a popular gas supplier, and here in Humboldt we are fortunate to have one locally. But although Costco gas is an option in the area, it’s not accessible to all.

    To get gas from Costco you must have a membership or a Costco gift card. As someone who doesn’t have a Costco membership, I can’t say for certain that Costco gas is the best alternative.

    For those who can afford the $60 yearly subscription, it makes sense to go to Costco if you’re already using their other services. However, if you plan on getting a membership just for a gas discount, I wouldn’t suggest it.

    If you aren’t a heavy commuter then Costco gas definitely isn’t a good source for fuel. According to Business Insider, the price of a membership won’t be paid off with your gas savings until you gas up around 37 times.

    Costco gas stations are also notorious for having chaotic waiting lines and times. If you do consider Costco gas, be mindful of the time of day you head over, as rush hour times are often busier. It would be counterproductive to wait upwards of 10 minutes for gas while idling in your car wasting fuel.

    If you aren’t inclined to fuel up at a Costco gas station, there are other places you can gas up at. You can find local gas prices with the site and app GasBuddy, which can help you shop around for the best option.

    In Arcata, the cheapest gas can be found at the Patriot station for $3.87 a gallon on Giuntoli Lane. In Eureka, the most affordable gas is from the Costco station which is currently $3.49 a gallon.

    Happy gassing!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Ant Avoider

    Ask Evergreen: Ant Avoider

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    What’s the most humane way to divert ants?

    Dear Ant Avoider,

    During the wet season ants furiously seek a dry haven to claim. To best defend your home from ants there are a few harmless and ecologically sound ways you can use to do so.

    There are natural and pet-safe sprays that you can buy to defend your home from ants, however some are aerosol sprays which are bad for the environment because they contribute to greenhouse gases and can alter the formation of clouds.

    To avoid using aerosol repellents, you can make your own water based repellent spray with fresh herbs and essential oils.

    Mint, peppermint and spearmint essential oils are safe alternatives to bug sprays. All you need to do is make a trail of essential oils around any crevices that ants are coming through or may get in from. This will create an invisible barrier that is usually successful at deterring these tiny pests.

    Vinegar is another safe alternative to conventional bug repellents, and you might even have some in your home already. This can be used to block entrances and cut off the message trail that invading ants left for others to follow.

    If these methods fail, you can also try setting up a baited trap. Place a tasty treat in a tray outside your home to lure ants to their demise. Honey works perfectly for attracting and trapping ants.

    One last measure you can take is repairing any cracks in your home which may allow ants to get in. Check door weather strips and windowsills for wear and tear and patch up anything as needed.

    Hope this helps!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Cautious Collegian

    Ask Evergreen: Cautious Collegian

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    I’m about to graduate and I’m feeling lost. I love this area, but the job market is garbage. I feel if I stay up here I’ll be stagnant. Should I err on the side of caution or dream big?

    Dear Cautious Collegian,

    Congratulations on nearly completing your college career! With one hurdle out of the way you now have the task of facing the world head on, whether you like it or not. It’s normal to feel the pit of existential dread sink into you around this time in your young adult life. Remember you’re not alone, and we’re all kind of misguided.

    You’re a step ahead of the rest by having this contemplation. It’s good to realize your options to sort out which path choice will bring you the most. Consider the monetary gain as well as the emotional gain you may receive from either decision. Remember, money isn’t happiness, but it does solve a lot of problems.

    If you stay in the area you will definitely save yourself money on the cost of living. This area is also quite beneficial to some in terms of emotional wellbeing because of the vibrant environment we have here. If that’s the case for you, you should add another tick to the Humboldt side.

    While staying in the Humboldt area could save you money, the job market is fairly bleak compared to the income you might get from a job in any city south of Mendocino County.

    It doesn’t hurt to apply to jobs all over. Definitely go big with what you want to do. A high-paying position in a field that you genuinely enjoy isn’t something to pass up on, but these dream positions aren’t always plentiful, especially if you’re applying in competitive areas.

    The Humboldt area isn’t all too competitive, depending on the career you’re pursuing. With that in mind, consider how you can upsell yourself in this area compared to another place. Your skills are more likely to standout in an area like this which can make it easier for you to fight for a higher wage, if a potential employer can afford it.

    Whichever decision you make, follow your intuition and don’t be afraid to take a risk.

    You’ve got this!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Messy Housemate

    Ask Evergreen: Messy Housemate

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    How do you deal with a housemate who never cleans up after themselves?

    Dear Considerate Cohabitant,

    It’s never easy living with messy people, especially if you maintain a higher level of organization than your housemates. There are a few things you can do to re-establish a cleanly order to your shared home.

    You can keep up your own cleanliness and hopefully that will transfer to your housemate as well. If they see you consistently doing your own dishes or vacuuming up a mess you may have made, they could begin to realize that they too should be proactively cleaning before things get out of control.

    With your housemates start a conversation about shared spaces and shared responsibility. You and your housemate should divide up home chores accordingly. Remind them, respectfully, that they should be mindful of the messes they create.

    Maybe they use the microwave more often than you. If so, they should be on top of keeping it clean if they’re the primary ones making the mess in the first place.

    Don’t clean up for them. They might begin to rely on you to pick up after them if you’ve done so in the past. You’re not their housecleaner, so don’t go out of your way to fix their messes.

    If they continue to forget to clean up, leave the mess there until they deal with it themselves. If they leave a dirty dish on the counter to mold for a week, definitely make sure you mention it to them.

    Don’t leave notes around the house to remind them to clean up. This might trigger them into feeling like they’re back at home with their parents nagging at them to clean. As an adult they should know how to take responsibility for their own actions without having to be reminded. But if your civil approaches don’t work, alternative methods might.

    It’s alright to be a little passive aggressive when it comes to making a point to others about their mess. You can comment on their mess jokingly to make it more obvious to them. Sometimes people are just used to living among their own filth and don’t see it as a problem until someone makes a stink about it.

    Best of luck!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Secret Socialite

    Ask Evergreen: Secret Socialite

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    My boyfriend’s mad I didn’t tell him I have a finsta. What should I do?

    Dear Secret Socialite,

    Healthy relationships involve frequent and meaningful communication, even if that means confessing you have a secret social media account.

    The whole reason for having an alternate Instagram account is to hide it from your regular account’s followers. However, considering that you could have been forthcoming about the situation to avoid any disdain, it makes sense that your boyfriend is irritated.

    Your boyfriend is probably upset with you because you chose not to tell him. If he found out about your finsta on his own or through your friends he could feel like he’s left out of your loop.

    Withholding information is a form of deceit even if you didn’t straight up lie.

    He may think that he’s not important enough to know what you’re up to because you decided to keep your secret Instagram a secret from him. Since he’s your partner, I’m sure he expects to know what’s going on in your life.

    Alternatively, you are your own person and you don’t have to report every action of yours to your partner. And of course, all of this depends on how new and fresh the relationship is.

    Maybe you use your finsta to vent about the annoying things that your boyfriend does. While that may not be the best way to relieve frustration, it’s acceptable and doesn’t make you a bad partner.

    Maybe your finsta is used for posting weird content and you don’t want to be judged by your boyfriend. If it is a new relationship, this is completely understandable.

    If you still actively use your finsta and restrict your boyfriend from following it, be sure you communicate why. It’s more than okay to have areas of your life that are yours and yours alone. If you plan on staying in this relationship, try not to leave your boyfriend in the dark about the important things, and remember that setting boundaries respectfully is an important piece of any healthy relationship.

    Good luck!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Fight or flight

    Ask Evergreen: Fight or flight

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    How do I become more of a fighter than a flighter?

    Dear Fight or Flighter,

    Discerning the best route to take for a situation can be strenuous on the mind as you decide whether to stand your ground or retreat peacefully.

    It takes strength to fight for something you believe as well as to flee from something that burdens you.

    Depending on the situation, you may want to be a fighter, flighter or both. There’s nothing wrong with running away from a situation, nor is it wrong to stay to strive for resolution.

    Don’t be a fighter just for revenge. You should have earnest intentions with the passion you feel for fighting for something, whether it’s for a cause, a relationship or an event.

    Remember, physically fighting someone is illegal. If you feel the need to duke it out with someone, cordially invite them to a round of fisticuffs at your local gym where the two of you can be coached professionally and geared up safely in a boxing ring.

    If you’re in a life threatening situation involving an aggressor, you should take caution with your departure. Don’t aggravate the circumstances by spouting back insults or being hastily bold.

    You should remove yourself from the situation and seek help from the authorities if need be. If you’re in a life threatening situation like a natural disaster, you should follow orders from the respective officials overseeing the event.

    Don’t try to be a hero if you think you’re incapable of fighting. Standing up to a situation with multiple people on your side fighting for the same sincere reason can help you all achieve something for the greater good.

    Fleeing from a situation, whether it’s a fire, flood or mass shooting isn’t cowardly. You’re allowed to be selfish to an extent if it saves your life, but don’t go sacrificing the safety of others by being a foolish fighter or a flawed flighter.

    If you’re in a situation that is less life threatening, fighting or fleeing are equal game—just use your best judgement. Ethical and moral dilemmas will challenge, but if you know and believe in the golden rule, you’re probably equipped enough to decipher the best outcome.

    Good luck!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Stuck in the Middle

    Ask Evergreen: Stuck in the Middle

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we’ll answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    Should I just sleep with the two guys coming after me even though they have girlfriends because no other men like me?

    Dear Stuck in the Middle,

    You sure got yourself caught in crossroads with this one, but don’t fret. The best thing to do is cut off connections with both men, and here’s why:

    You shouldn’t facilitate the poor decisions of two men in any manner. Even if you don’t want a relationship from these men you should consider how their attitudes and treatments towards their partners can be perpetuated onto you. Think about each of their partners and how your choice in this situation will affect them.

    You shouldn’t be the person to come between someone else’s relationship. Don’t assume their burdens by entangling yourself in their drama.

    It’s clear that both of these men are dealing with personal issues within their respective relationships and are acting out using someone else. People who are unhappy in their own relationships, but do little to change their circumstances, aren’t the type of people you want to spend your time with.

    The best thing to do is to remove yourself from these situations through the decisions you make. With the position you’re in, you could even contact the partners of these men to let them know what’s been happening. Sometimes involving yourself further can make things worse, so carry on with caution.

    It may seem tantalizing having two different men as potential lovers, but neither are viable options for you to pursue. While you may think they are the only men interested in you, it’s highly unlikely that is the case. The characters of these two are definitely too shady for any connection to be worth it.

    Don’t allow their behavior to influence you and any desires you may think they fulfill. Be the bigger person and end things before it’s too late to take back a possible bad choice.

    Good luck!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Ending Things Easy

    Ask Evergreen: Ending Things Easy

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we’ll answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    How do I let someone down easy?

    Dear Easy-Ender,

    It’s never easy to let someone down, whether you’re ending something romantic or platonic. However, there are always civilized ways to cease a connection no matter how strong the bond. If you’re trying to end a toxic relationship, an uninteresting connection or a friendship with someone who is no longer a positive influence, remember these things: be straightforward with your reasoning, be the bigger person and be a badass if you need to.

    Try to understand the reasons why you want to end something. Finding reason can help you cut the connection. Don’t end things hastily, hatefully or immaturely. You can weigh the pros and cons of the situation to understand how continuing things will affect you and the person you’re connected to. Ask yourself why you want to end it and how you’ll be better if you do.

    You don’t always owe people explanations for why you no longer want to have ties to them. If you’re letting someone down that you’ve met on a dating site, or someone you’ve gone out with several times but no longer have interest for, you can leave things with simply saying, “I’m no longer interested.” Don’t worry about patting someone’s ego before bidding farewell, and don’t make excuses for why it’s more your fault than theirs. No one’s at fault, you just don’t have a connection with that person anymore.

    If you’re trying to end a relationship with a long-term partner, you may want to put in more effort to your parting words. Your goodbye to a partner could be cordial or crude depending on your situation and reasons for ending a relationship. You could use more energy by getting angry at them or save your energy and invest it in yourself. Remember, your happiness and well-being come first. Don’t bother appeasing people if they aren’t going to listen to how you’re feeling in a situation, and don’t lose your cool trying to get them to listen. You’re better off focusing on yourself and your healing process.

    You’ve got this!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Meaningful Friendships

    Ask Evergreen: Meaningful Friendships

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we’ll answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    How do we navigate meaningful friendships in a college setting where friendships are based on talking about bullshit?

    Dear Friendship Keeper,

    Friendships come in all different forms, some healthy and others not. Genuine friendships usually aren’t based from a bond of bullshit talking, but to each their own. You can do a couple different things to avoid befriending bombastic people who blather.

    First, find people that you might have common interests with. This is the easiest place to start when searching for a meaningful connection, as you control who and what you let into your life. Join a club or frequent places that you enjoy to find others interested in similar activities. Strike up a friendly conversation with someone at your favorite bookstore or while you’re hiking in the community forest on a special trail.

    Second, when you notice people itching to gossip or spew meaningless rhetoric, separate yourself from those situations. If you strive to surround yourself with positive-thinking people, chances are one of those people will vibe with you. Don’t settle if it isn’t significant and beneficial to you.

    Third, get out of your comfort zone. Maybe you’ve allowed yourself to become complacent with the type of people who are around you. Change that. Voice your discomfort when it comes to people forcing their absurdities upon you. Challenge yourself to push for what you want rather than settling for what others push onto you. If you don’t want to have small talk about the weather, or a heated conversation about politics, say something to change that. Be the navigator of this ship we call life, and choose who you want on your crew.

    Lastly, it’s okay if you’re a lone wolf for the time being. It’s no fun when people around you drain your energy, so don’t feel selfish for choosing not to have them in your life. Sometimes we just need to self-reflect and ask ourselves if what we have is enough. The best things come to those who wait, right? A meaningful friendship can’t be forced, so don’t rush into anything and trust your gut.

    All the best!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Switching Majors

    Ask Evergreen: Switching Majors

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we’ll answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    I’m a third-year switching majors. Is that a big issue, or should I worry about not graduating on time?

    Dear third-year major switcher,

    Switching your major as a third-year student can be a blessing and a curse. On one side, it’s the perfect time to do it because you’re still enrolled in school. It’s better to do it now than to come back years later to try to major in your new studies. On the other side, switching now might create an unwanted financial hassle as you’re most likely starting from square one with your new major. Unless you’re switching to a major that has similar course requirements that you’ve already fulfilled.

    College is not a race. It is completely normal to not finish a degree within four years. Don’t beat yourself up or compare yourself to your peers. Make sure to schedule a meeting and talk with your adviser to map out the smoothest route for your degree transition—you might have less to do than you expect. You could even consider minoring in the major you want to change to. But remember, many people take gap years, change their majors or come back to school years later. Be proud of yourself for making this decision now.

    Best of luck!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.