The Lumberjack



Students Serving The Cal Poly Humboldt Campus and Community Since 1929

Tag: jasmin’s corner

  • Jasmin’s Corner: Treat yourself better

    Jasmin’s Corner: Treat yourself better

    by Jasmin Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin,

    I feel like men only really want me for my body? Am I doing something wrong?

    My friend, it’s not necessarily that you’re doing something wrong, but perhaps you’re not treating yourself well. As someone who spent her teenage years feeling this way, it took a long time for me to realize that I was centering my value – and really, my life – around men, specifically their validation. 

    I spent a really long time looking for ways to prove I was worthy of love, and I recognize now that that led to becoming very hypersexual. And while that made for me to be a decent love and relationship writer, it also created a pattern of accepting men into my life that had no business being there. 

    I allowed men to validate me through my body and this took several years of introspection to begin to break the habit. It appears in subconscious ways, such as begging for a text back, allowing the title of ‘situationship’ and plenty of other ways in which we accept crumbs of love. We make excuses for behaviors we wouldn’t exhibit to justify how it makes us feel, but that doesn’t mean we deserve it – or that we need it at all. 

    That’s not to say that you’ve done the same thing, because there are also plenty of wolves in sheep’s clothing out there, but I recommend reflecting on why you accept the love that is offered to you and if you lower your value to accept it. 

    Oftentimes, we are so self-critical that we miss the worth and light within ourselves. I don’t necessarily think you’re doing anything wrong, but I don’t think you’re treating yourself right. It won’t be a quick and easy process, but I remember the first time I didn’t beg for a text back from a guy I really liked – that obviously didn’t respect me – I felt, what I think, was my first true sense of self-respect, at least in regards to dating. 

    I had to learn that sometimes it’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. I had to spend time with myself and enjoy my own company to realize the value in it, and I think that would be good for you, too. 

    All the love for you.

    xoxo, 

    Jasmin

  • Jasmin’s Corner: Ghoster, ghostie, gone

    Jasmin’s Corner: Ghoster, ghostie, gone

    by Jasmins Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin, 

    The guy I recently ghosted became my neighbor, and I found out the guy I’m talking to now is his roommate. Neither of them know yet, but he invited me to come over tonight. Me and the other guy ended on really awful terms and I don’t even think he would let me in his house – like I made him cry. I kinda want to just go over and see what happens. Thoughts?

    Oh, you’re a messy bitch – I love you! Let me tell you, there are messier situations you could be in. Like, say they were brothers and you swapped them out for each other within a 24 hour cycle… been there done that, amirite? Point is, even though you’re stuck between a cock and a hard place, there are bigger cocks and harder places, so don’t fret. 

    In life, we often find ourselves in sitcoms all the time. Sometimes I say to just live for the plot! If you like this guy, why not try to see what happens with him? You’re going to have to be honest with him about your previous situation with his roommate, but we are literally all adults. dibs aren’t real and winner takes all. If you click, you click and if you don’t, you don’t. Worst case scenario, if he’s a ‘bro-code’ kind of guy, you’re honestly dodging a bullet anyway. 

    Though, it kind of seems like you owe the other guy an apology. I’m not sure how intense of a relationship you had with him, but you should definitely sit down and say sorry for ghosting him – it’s just a shitty thing to do all around if you hung out for more than a few weeks. As a ghoster and a ghostie, I’ve learned there are better ways of handling those situations than leaving unfinished business; shit always has a way of staying in your cheeks. Unless he was being weird or threatening – if that’s the case, just leave the whole house alone. 

    You’ll all be fine in the end. 5 years from now, I bet none of you will matter to each other. Have fun, be wild, have sex with whoever you want to, have an orgy, use a rubber, get tested, and always have enthusiastic consent!

    xoxo,

    jasmin

  • Jasmin’s Corner: Your dream man only exists in your dreams

    Jasmin’s Corner: Your dream man only exists in your dreams

    by Jasmin Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin,
    I hooked up with my crush of 3 months, who’s my dream-man and I never thought it
    would happen. Afterwards, he told me that he had a recent breakup and he’s only in the space for friendship, but he would still love to see me and hangout… should I play the long game or give it up? (He’s a bass player, tall and sexy and very sweet).

    The long game: what could either be the most enchanting experience of your life, or the
    worst waste of time and energy you’ve ever put into anything. The thing about the long-game is, you’re putting someone on a pedestal that they didn’t ask to be put on. You’re expecting something to come about, rather than allowing it to naturally happen the way the hookup did. Having expectations of people, besides the bare minimum of respect and kindness, is a recipe for disappointment. That’s not to say you shouldn’t have standards, but having unfair expectations based on your idealized image of a person isn’t fair to anyone involved. Now, I am in no way shape or form saying you’re not allowed to have hope, or continue to flirt. If anything, the build up of sexual tension that comes with being friends with someone you’ve hooked up with, that you would be down to hookup with again, is exhilarating. That’s why it’s a trope in damn-near every rom-com – it’s sexy, it’s anticipation; everyone loves a slow burn. What I am saying is: don’t base your future around him; don’t avoid other partners for him, don’t keep toxic people around for him, and so on and so forth. You can be friends and touch each other’s body parts, but you can’t expect him to take responsibility for your emotions if you start getting a little too hopeful about your relationship.

    If you think you can separate your feelings and your expectations, then I say stick around and see what happens, but don’t hold your breath unless you’re willing to pass out. If you’re hot enough to bag your momentary dream-man, you’re hot enough to bag the next one,
    too.

    xoxo,
    jasmin

  • Jasmin’s Corner: We’re all fucking the same people

    Jasmin’s Corner: We’re all fucking the same people

    by Jasmin Shirazian

    Hi Jasmin, 

    So, my community is running low on eligible and promiscuous singles. The whole town is starting to feel incestuous because we’ve all fucked each other, and it’s becoming more difficult to have casual sex with new people. Any advice? 

    If there were any words of warning I wish I had received before coming to this fuck-bucket of a dating pool, it would be that the ‘pool’ is definitely more of a puddle. This is one of those situations where no matter what kind of advice I could give you, the only true solution to this problem is to get the hell out of Dodge – or in this case, Humboldt. 

    Humboldt is so peculiar in its ratio of available hotties; the amount of beautiful women and non-binary/gender-fluid/etc folks is damn near abundant, whereas the variety and hotness of the male population is um… less than ideal. Like, bottom-of-the-barrel less than ideal. I’ve definitely said this before and I’ll definitely say it again, but the four variations of man that exist in Humboldt are all dirty in their own way. I’ve been lucky enough to track down and secure the hottest of the hotties, but not everyone is as aggressive as I am, so I understand the struggle. My point is, the ratio makes it even harder to find a new body, depending on which way(s) you swing. 

    Now, not all hope is lost. My roommates and I have been holding our breaths, hoping that this next wave of transfers coming for our brand-new Cal Poly title will bring at least a couple hundred hotties with it. If even that doesn’t end up panning out for you, then I think we both know what you need to do: if you’ve fucked all there is to be fucked, you must spread your wings and fuck elsewhere. Otherwise, you’re just fucking yourself – which, I’m sure you’ve already considered. 

    xoxo, 

    jasmin