By Noah Pond

Ahhh, Trader Joe’s. What wouldn’t I do to have one here in Humboldt? Can you afford the food that you buy here in Arcata and Eureka? I cannot. Money isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to come by as a full-time student, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to get delicious grub-grub for affordable prices.

Trader Joe’s is ridiculously good for so many reasons. It has cheap frozen meals that are actually so buss and are ready in just minutes. I know most of you are not tryna come home after a long day at school or work, make rice for 30 minutes and then fry it with veggies or chicken for another 15-ish minutes. You could just buy a bag of that stuff from TJ’s for $2.99 — like, what? Some of you are spending so much on a different kind of bag when you could have a whole damn meal for three bucks.

Not to mention the liquor section goes dumb — like a 6-pack of IPA for $5.99 is insane. That’s a dollar a beer. That’s the way beer was intended to be. At Safeway, which is where I see most of you loading up on booze on Friday and Saturday nights, a 6-pack costs $12.99. What if you want some shots? You stand at the alcohol aisle for like 8 minutes trying to figure out what the cheapest vodka is and you just settle on a 750ml bottle of Tito’s like always and pay $18. On the other hand, if you went to TJ’s, you could get the same size bottle 10 times distilled for only $9.99.

I feel like I should be getting paid to write this because this jawn is sounding like an ad. My point is Trader Joe’s is blowing the other stores out of the water with their prices. 

Another thing TJ’s does that no other grocery store can do is product mashing and entertaining package designs. They make things that you never knew could go together, and these fusions go together better than you ever could have imagined. The pickle-in-a-chip potato chips, pizza ranch salad kit, and their crispy potato & poblano pepper tacos are just a few great examples. 

Also, think of how many job opportunities it would create up here. I have two roommates running all around Arcata and Eureka right now passing out resumes with no luck. 

I know that Trader Joe’s is not the best company, and like any other major corporation they cut corners. But how can you get those sweet, sweet deals without a little rat shit in your wine? 

The options in Arcata are The North Coast Co-op, Wildberries, and Safeway. The Co-op is lit, dude. If I was rolling in dough, I would go there constantly. Sadly, that is not the case, so I only drop in for the occasional sandwich when I’m feeling frisky. Wildberries is cool, I guess. Their breakfast sandwiches are pretty convenient, but it’s just as expensive as the Co-op, and don’t try to steal from them or you could probably be assaulted by a manager, which has happened before as reported by The Lumberjack in Feb. 2023. That leaves Safeway, which I know all you mofos are stealing from, so that makes it the cheapest option. At the Co-op and Wildberries, there is a little bit of a sense of community with all the nice dread-headed white people. I remember going to Trader Joe’s as a kid and looking all over the whole damn store for the little monkey or whatever other stuffed animal they had hidden. Getting the kids involved probably makes such a difference for the parents when shopping. 

I don’t think union busting or denying the rules the labor board has laid down are right, but I also don’t have money to shop locally everytime I shop, and I know a lot of you are in the same boat. Trader Joe’s would take some pressure off my pockets at least while I’m in college. I have the whole rest of my life to shop locally and spend $20 on a half-pound of steak whilst I march around in my Birkenstock Bostons. 

Noah Pond is a junior at Cal Poly Humboldt and the managing editor of the Lumberjack. In his free time enjoys fine wine, his skateboard, and discovering new ways the world works never seen before.