By Jasmin Shirazian

The rare, sunny spring or winter day in Humboldt county — of course it happens when I’m either feeling my worst or at my busiest. To stay inside and feel guilty about missing out on much needed vitamin D, to go outside and feel guilty about not doing work or to ignore my body — what’s a girl to do? 

I have a love-hate relationship with those random winter days that make it over 60 degrees. I’m usually at least three months deep into my regularly scheduled clinical depression cycle — without a doubt influenced by the 4 p.m. sunsets and heavy Humboldt rainfall — and I am absolutely not in the mood to be guilt-tripped by the fact that I know the sun doesn’t come out often. In my heart, I know it would be good for me; it’s probably exactly what I’d need to feel better, actually. I don’t know what to tell you — being logical about it isn’t really gonna do anything, obviously.

Then, after all my homework for the spring semester has already started piling up and I’m running out of time to turn stuff in, here comes the fucking sun — or whatever it is the Beatles said. Now it’s like shit, why would I stay inside and do work when it’s literally river season? The sunny days aren’t really promised until July, so while they’re a little more frequent, I can’t be sure the entirety of next week won’t be cloudy as shit. I’m already burnt out and justifying not doing my work — the sun makes it way too easy to do more of that. 

An endless cycle of “what if?” until the end of the semester, every semester. I wonder if it’ll end when I’m done and graduated, but I’m pretty sure it won’t. C’est la vie. 

Jasmin Shirazian is the copy editor of The Lumberjack and an avid consumer of TV. She loves her cat, family, friends, clothes and traveling in the middle of the school year.