Missing your ex could make you miss the next

by Jasmin Shirazian

Dear Jasmin,

I still have feelings for my ex. They made me happier than anyone else has. We grew apart after they graduated, and we decided to go our separate ways so we could end on a better note. It’s been almost a year, and they’re still on my mind. We didn’t have a bad breakup, would it be crazy to try again with them?

Ahh, the good old ex. Either your greatest enemy or a warm memory — even both at times. In your case, it seems like you might be stuck in the latter. Not a place I’d recommend being trapped in for too long, for your own sake.

I think a break up that ends really well is, like, kind of worse than one that blows up super dramatically with a ton of fall out. Obviously, ideally, you want to end on good terms and you’re technically supposed to break up with your partner before you totally resent them, but then you can end up in a situation where you miss them. When it ends poorly, at least when you miss them, you can think of all the times they pissed you off, ruined your mood — all the beautiful, bad parts that make it easy to move on. Ending on a good note makes it way harder to go no-contact and makes it way easier to linger on the good times. 

I honestly can’t stand when people break up because of anything other than a real desire to end the relationship. Like, you still love the person, and now you’re just stuck thinking about them and what might have been? So, you’re subconsciously closed off to new relationships and any new person that might have been a good partner. An awful experience for everyone involved. 

Anyway, do I think you should get back with your ex? In theory, yes, especially if you can find a way to close the distance. But, if you’re saying the two of you grew apart, but you miss them, then I think you might be the only person stuck in those roots. A harsh truth to this situation might be realizing that only one of you may have been outgrowing the relationship. It seems like it’s your turn to leave that pot, too. 

If you don’t try, you’ll be stuck wondering what if. Worst case scenario, I think it’s better to embarrass yourself and face potential rejection than to be left fixated on your past relationship. Best case scenario, you try again and you either realize how much you actually did grow apart, or maybe you get lucky and you grow into each other again. Either way, you have to find a way to move past your past. 

xoxo,

Jasmin