by Sadie Shields

California State University, East Bay Professor and Philosophical Counselor Susi Ferrarello has spent years exploring the intersection of philosophy, literature and human emotion, ultimately shaping a body of work that bridges intellectual inquiry and lived experience. Her career in philosophical counseling gradually inspired her to write a book devoted entirely to the practice.

“I started doing philosophical counseling and then the experience accumulated,” Ferrarello said. “I thought it might be interesting to write a book about that.”

In her recent keynote at Cal Poly Humboldt on Nov. 6 titled “On the Philosopher’s Couch,” Ferrarello invited students to reconsider what it means to love intentionally. Blending philosophy, literature and personal anecdotes from her practice, she encouraged the audience to explore the potential for deliberate, mindful engagement in their relationships. 

“I wanted to give students that space — the same one I try to create for my clients — to know that we can become smarter when it comes to love,” Ferrarello said.

Preparing the lecture posed unique challenges. Ferrarello was aware she would be addressing a diverse audience including students, faculty and community members, and she sought to create a discourse that would resonate with all.

“When we want to share love with someone, we don’t need to act out of an invisible pressure,” Ferrarello said. “There is a space to make relevant choices in our loving life.”

Ferrarello explored two primary themes in her talk: the nature of choice in relationships and the role of emotions — particularly rage — in shaping human interactions. Drawing on Homeric literature, she referenced Penelope and Odysseus as an archetype of relational choice. Ferrarello paralleled this with a client named Christina, who, after more than a decade of marriage, faced continual choices regarding her life and identity within the relationship.

“Love is not just an intention,” Ferrarello said. “Even if I act in good faith, the outcome is not guaranteed.” 

Rage, she said, often complicates the capacity for rational choice in relationships. Referencing the Iliad, she examined Agamemnon’s destructive anger and drew upon stoic philosophy to distinguish between empty, unnatural rage and justified, purposeful thumos — a form of courageous anger grounded in values. 

“It’s not blind, violent rage,” she said. “It’s thumos — the kind of courage that lets us stand our ground and assert who we are. In those moments, we become heroes — we become agathos.” 

To translate these insights into practice, Ferrarello shared exercises from her book The Ethics of Love, designed to help readers reconnect with their capacity for thoughtful, intentional love. Ferrarello said her interest in love is both personal and professional; her book emerged from the intense emotional experiences of counseling clients during the pandemic alongside formative memories from her childhood in Rome. She recalled a neighbor, a woman subjected to psychiatric treatments, whose life left a profound impression.

“I always thought, oh my God, what a terrible life this woman is having,” she said. 

Ferrarello also reflected on the experiences of three other women, two of whom died by suicide following abusive relationships. She dedicated her book to these women, citing her own challenging upbringing as a lens through which she could understand the risks and complexities of love. 

“I could touch with my hands how dangerous and painful love can be if we don’t put our mind into it,” Ferrarello said.

Anxiety and possessiveness, Ferrarello noted, are pervasive challenges in human relationships. An anxious individual may be warm and affectionate yet fail to truly perceive the needs of others because they are consumed by their own fears. 

“The other person becomes an object, not the actual person,” Ferrarello said. 

Recognizing such patterns, she argued, is a crucial step toward healthier relational dynamics. For Ferrarello, the cultivation of self-awareness and humility is central to meaningful love. Humility, she added, prevents people from overestimating themselves or allowing others to define their worth.

Ferrarello explained that healthy self-love is not selfishness, but an ethical engagement with one’s own needs and potential. It involves recognizing one’s unique talents, moral responsibilities and inherent dignity. From this foundation, individuals are better equipped to nurture themselves and others. Ferrarello warned against seeking validation through superficial markers like popularity or wealth, noting that these forms of recognition are fleeting and can leave individuals vulnerable to manipulation. 

“This is another easy way of being loved that does not bring true happiness or fulfillment,” she said.

Ferrarello’s work underscores a central principle: love is a skill that requires reflection, ethical consideration and intentional practice. Through her counseling, writing and lectures, she seeks to equip individuals with the tools to navigate emotion, choice and human connection with greater clarity, compassion and courage.

Sadie is a junior communications major, journalism minor at Cal Poly Humboldt who has an interest in covering and taking photos for sports and wildlife journalism and a slight interest in breaking news. She can be reached at sls331@humboldt.edu.