by Jasmin Shirazian

Hi Jasmin,

I feel like men only really want me for my body? Am I doing something wrong?

My friend, it’s not necessarily that you’re doing something wrong, but perhaps you’re not treating yourself well. As someone who spent her teenage years feeling this way, it took a long time for me to realize that I was centering my value – and really, my life – around men, specifically their validation. 

I spent a really long time looking for ways to prove I was worthy of love, and I recognize now that that led to becoming very hypersexual. And while that made for me to be a decent love and relationship writer, it also created a pattern of accepting men into my life that had no business being there. 

I allowed men to validate me through my body and this took several years of introspection to begin to break the habit. It appears in subconscious ways, such as begging for a text back, allowing the title of ‘situationship’ and plenty of other ways in which we accept crumbs of love. We make excuses for behaviors we wouldn’t exhibit to justify how it makes us feel, but that doesn’t mean we deserve it – or that we need it at all. 

That’s not to say that you’ve done the same thing, because there are also plenty of wolves in sheep’s clothing out there, but I recommend reflecting on why you accept the love that is offered to you and if you lower your value to accept it. 

Oftentimes, we are so self-critical that we miss the worth and light within ourselves. I don’t necessarily think you’re doing anything wrong, but I don’t think you’re treating yourself right. It won’t be a quick and easy process, but I remember the first time I didn’t beg for a text back from a guy I really liked – that obviously didn’t respect me – I felt, what I think, was my first true sense of self-respect, at least in regards to dating. 

I had to learn that sometimes it’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. I had to spend time with myself and enjoy my own company to realize the value in it, and I think that would be good for you, too. 

All the love for you.

xoxo, 

Jasmin