by Jasmin Shirazian

Hi Jasmin, 

So, my community is running low on eligible and promiscuous singles. The whole town is starting to feel incestuous because we’ve all fucked each other, and it’s becoming more difficult to have casual sex with new people. Any advice? 

If there were any words of warning I wish I had received before coming to this fuck-bucket of a dating pool, it would be that the ‘pool’ is definitely more of a puddle. This is one of those situations where no matter what kind of advice I could give you, the only true solution to this problem is to get the hell out of Dodge – or in this case, Humboldt. 

Humboldt is so peculiar in its ratio of available hotties; the amount of beautiful women and non-binary/gender-fluid/etc folks is damn near abundant, whereas the variety and hotness of the male population is um… less than ideal. Like, bottom-of-the-barrel less than ideal. I’ve definitely said this before and I’ll definitely say it again, but the four variations of man that exist in Humboldt are all dirty in their own way. I’ve been lucky enough to track down and secure the hottest of the hotties, but not everyone is as aggressive as I am, so I understand the struggle. My point is, the ratio makes it even harder to find a new body, depending on which way(s) you swing. 

Now, not all hope is lost. My roommates and I have been holding our breaths, hoping that this next wave of transfers coming for our brand-new Cal Poly title will bring at least a couple hundred hotties with it. If even that doesn’t end up panning out for you, then I think we both know what you need to do: if you’ve fucked all there is to be fucked, you must spread your wings and fuck elsewhere. Otherwise, you’re just fucking yourself – which, I’m sure you’ve already considered. 

xoxo, 

jasmin