by Alexandria Hasenstab
Congratulations on not being racist! We know resisting your natural instinct to be racist is no easy task. You deserve to be acknowledged for all the non-racist things you do.
Do like Drake, Beyonce, Kendrick Lamar? Everyone knows that if you enjoy black performers you can’t possibly be racist. You might even try becoming knowledgeable about black culture. Everyone is copying style, dance, words and music from black culture anyways. If you’re able to name all four aspects of hip hop culture, but you’ve never shown support for the black community, it’s okay, mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery.
Maybe you eat tacos or even venture out and try mexican candy, you know, the spicy kind. Afterall, if you enjoy aspects of another race’s culture, then you’re not racist.
And if you went so far as to acquire a friend that is a different race than you, then you get double points. They might not be your best friend, maybe they’re a friend of a friend who you would never hang out with one-on-one, but hey, it counts.
Have you ever told an Asian person they should be better at math or piano or karate? I mean come on, that’s not racist, those are positive stereotypes.
Maybe you’ve walked by a Muslim person and didn’t put your head down in an extremely awkward manner, maybe you even managed a smile. Well pat yourself on the back cause you deserve it.
Do you like to make negative comments about white people? That’s okay because reverse racism doesn’t exist, so we can forget about individual people’s feelings.
You’ve used the hashtag #alllivesmatter? Of course it wasn’t to take the focus off an oppressed group and make it about yourself, it’s because you truly so not racist that you care about everyone equally. It’s so unfair to focus on one problem at a time. I mean how can we ethically have a breast cancer awareness month when all illnesses matter.
You slept with a person of color? You are definitely not racist. Everyone knows that having sex with someone and then telling everyone about it is the ultimate sign of respect.
So once again, congratulations on not being racist. Go on and tell the world, because nothing says “I’m not racist” like repeatedly telling people that you’re not racist.
Sincerely,
Your conscience
P.S.
You might not be racist because racism is a social system, not an individual’s characteristic, but you are most likely prejudice. All sarcasm aside, we have to acknowledge our own prejudice in order to become more open-minded and accepting people. You should not be congratulating yourself for not being blatantly racist. Becoming defensive when prejudice is brought up will not make you less prejudice. Claiming that you are not racist will not make you less prejudice. Admitting that you are prejudice and being conscious of what factors have caused you to be prejudice is the first step to change.
