The Lumberjack



Students Serving The Cal Poly Humboldt Campus and Community Since 1929

Tag: relationships

  • Jasmin’s corner; what-ifs

    Jasmin’s corner; what-ifs

    Hello Jasmin, 

    I have this special person with whom I had a long standing relationship with. Going to college sort of brought an end to things and we came to a mutual understanding, so the breakup wasn’t bad at all and we’re still friends. It’s been 3 long hard lame ass years and she still pollutes my mind – it’s ridiculous. I can say I’m over the emotional heartbreak, but I still think I’m hung up on the idea that something might come of the future when I’m making big money and able to support that type of relationship. I saw them recently after a year or two of not talking and they seemed interested, though maybe I’m delusional. What’re your thoughts on revisiting relationships and do you think it’d be a good idea to try and pick up the pieces, or should I continue on as is? 

    Friend, you’re not over the emotional heartbreak or the girl. Leaving for any reason besides losing feelings or realizing your partner was actually a bum the whole time is always going to leave you with unresolved feelings and daydream-ey what-ifs. 

    If you think she’s interested, I don’t see why you wouldn’t at least try – especially if you’re not long distance. If you are, consider where you might both be in the future before you get too excited. No one should have to suffer through a long distance rekindle with an ex. You very obviously are holding out for this girl, so I definitely recommend not seeking anyone else romantically until you figure out your feelings and what to do with them. We don’t want anyone else getting their feelings hurt. 

    I don’t know the reasons behind your breakup, but I do insist that you reflect on the bad parts of your relationship and not only the warm, fuzzy memories. I will never tell you not to follow your heart – I actually encourage it. If you don’t think the timing is right, you’re right – it never is. We’re given the cards we’re dealt and have to figure out how to play them accordingly. You can show your love without having a big money job. The future isn’t promised and we have to act while the people we love are still around us. Just try to not be too aggressive or forthcoming with it.

    All in all, the only person that can tell you what to do is you. Would you rather suffer through the what-ifs or just find out for yourself? Is finding out for yourself worth the potential let-down of a second breakup? You tell me. 

    xoxo,

  • Cruising at Cal Poly Humboldt

    Cruising at Cal Poly Humboldt

    by Zack Mink

    Waiting in a bathroom stall, hoping to see a tapping foot. Hearing someone enter and then going into the empty stall next to you. All of a sudden – that tapping foot appears. They’re not just listening to music or procrastinating in between classes. This person is looking for some kind of sexual encounter in the public restroom. This encounter is an age-old tradition many people call cruising.

    “[Cruising is] walking or driving about certain areas, called cruising grounds, looking for a sexual partner. These meetings are usually one-off, anonymous encounters,” Birmingham LGBT, a queer health and community resource, stated on their website.

    It’s not for everyone, but it is popular and a somewhat underground activity that typically happens discreetly everywhere and anywhere. Gloryholes are a classic example of cruising 

    that you might be familiar with, but not always required for a good experience while searching for a public sexual encounter.

    On campus at Cal Poly Humboldt, cruising does in fact happen. Without revealing the popular spots, bathrooms and the community forest are classic places that students go to cruise. People typically look for hidden spots with either quick access to hide or an easy escape. Around the corner and behind the tree some might say.

    While looking for cruisers to contribute to this piece, I did notice an irregular lack of horny guys. Typically, there are plenty of headless profiles on Grindr looking to “blow their load” or “swap some head” but no one was around willing to share about their sexual desires.

    I guess students on campus are too busy to cruise right now in the semester. Maybe they’re finding themselves stuck in committed relationships, or just not horny enough to wait on the bathroom floor for an anonymous penis to slide under a stall. But I can assure you cruising is alive and well in Humboldt County. 

    Baker Beach is the only nude beach in Humboldt County and is a well-known cruising spot for regular cruisers. On the beach, down the shore, and around the big rocks, guys wait for someone willing to get down and dirty. Aside from this popular spot, parks, hiking trails, and parking lots are places where cruisers can find others looking for sexual encounters. 

    Despite your desperation though, protecting yourself is always important while having sex, especially with random men. Condoms, PrEP, and getting regularly tested are the easiest ways to protect yourself while hooking up with sexy men in the forest and random restrooms.

    Free sexual health resources are provided at the Student Health Center and in the Peer Health Center. To contact the Student Health Center you can email health@humboldt.edu or call (707) 826-3146.

  • Weathering situationships, the right way

    Weathering situationships, the right way

    by Valen Lambert

    Gen Z has been turning tradition on its head. Gender? That is so last season. Sexual preferences? All of it. Partners? Four and we’re all best friends. We’re holding the reins of a cultural revolution that’s redefining intimacy, sex, and identity. It’s beautiful, empowering, expansive – and oh-so confusing when we enter uncharted lands. 

    With polyamory and open relationships becoming the new norm in our alternative communities, we’re finding another gray area of intimacy that some may call the new epidemic: situationships. Love them or hate them, they’re here to fuck up your emotional algorithm if you don’t have the proper interpersonal toolkit. They are not for the faint of heart. 

    Urban Dictionary defines a situationship as, “more than friendship but less than a booty call…it is a romantic relationship that is, and will remain, undefined.” I dunno bout ya’ll but when I was in high school we called this having a “thing” with someone.

    I’ve been in a few myself. They were lovely, occasionally regrettable, fleeting experiences that teetered between friendship and romance. If you’re like me and are afraid of commitment, they’re the perfect dose of attention. Most ended diplomatically on great terms or, quite rarely, through a complete ghosting by me or the other.   

    There’s some finessing to be done if you don’t want you or your cutie’s heart to be pulverized like a butcher’s steak. First, you have to check in with your own emotional capacity. Where is your heart at, how much can you show up right now, and how much do you need the other person to show up? I’ve broken a few hearts in my day because I lacked the emotional maturity to confront my own boundaries, and to communicate that clearly with my partners.    

    Maybe you enter a situationship because neither of you are ready for commitment, but also can’t help having crushes on eachother. That’s fine!! Relationships can be whatever the heck you want them to be. 

    I might be preaching to the choir here, but communication is the most important tool in your belt for these dirty jobs. Upon initial canoodling, discuss your preferences and needs with your cutie. I know it goes against the sacred rule of situationships, to stay “undefined,” but there is no harm in laying down how casual or serious you both need it to be so everybody knows how to move forward. 

    If you want sex with occasional cuddles, cute dates and intermittent cheek kisses, make that clear! If you just want to hook up but study together sometimes, let ‘em know! If they’re down, then fuck yeah! If they’re not, don’t waste your time with anything more or less than what you want, no matter how hot you think they are. You’ll really have to practice some self control (trust me), but you’ll be so happy you did. 

    You deserve to be in a relationship where your partner is on the same page as you, clear about where you stand, and good to your nervous system; even if it’s just a romantic puddle and not the great oceans of love. Communicating where you’re at and what you need is sexy, and helps you feel more autonomous in a situation that would normally leave you feeling powerless.

    If you’re chronically in a situationship and hate it, or are forced into a situationship with someone you’re head over heels for, there’s some boundaries to be made. So pull up your sleeves, listen to some Erykah Badu, and get to feeling your bad self.

     There is an important distinction between intention and attention. Some cutie may be giving you a lot of attention, but lacking in the sort of intention that’s actually worth your time. Intention can exist in a casual dynamic; it’s a presence and attentiveness that makes you feel seen. No matter how loose the situationship, you know the person genuinely enjoys your company and doesn’t take it as something that merely entertains them or distracts them from their homework. Again, there ain’t nothing wrong if both parties are on the same page about just seeking “entertainment,” but if you feel that there is an asymmetry in feelings or intentions, it’s time to jump (situation)ship. 

    Lots of folks love to hate situationships. For some people, they can’t handle that in-between space; either needing just friendship or just a relationship. It’s stressful for folks. And there’s nothing wrong with that! But if this sounds like you, listen to your gut and tread lightly around the experimental zone that is situationships. 

    They’re jam packed with emotional turmoil, but only if you don’t know what you need or how to communicate it. You can create your ideal dynamic with someone who aligns with your needs. The beauty of situationships is that they aren’t going anywhere! They can be a pleasant ephemeral exploration of pleasure and humanity that teach you what you really need when it comes to more serious relationships. They can help you explore your romantic and sexual identity. They can teach you so much about interpersonal communication. We’re young and everything is an experiment! So get out there baddies.

  • Dating in the time of COVID

    Dating in the time of COVID

    by Krisanne Keiser

    None of us thought we would wake up one morning and be told that we could no longer make connections the way we were used to. COVID-19 became a part of our daily lives, affecting us at every turn.

    Dating during a worldwide pandemic has impacted us all in unique ways, including CSH students.

    Local resident and Cal Poly Humboldt alumnus Olivia Brock shared their experience.

    “Dating during COVID times for me is for sure more online now at the beginning of talking to someone,” Brock said. “It definitely restricts what we do … all the dates I’ve been on have been outside usually somewhere in nature with a mask on.”

    Once you’ve managed to meet someone, COVID-19 precautions also complicate bringing them home. Having roommates means that bringing over a new flame has to involve conversations about masking, exposure, and testing.

    “But once enough of the outside dates and FaceTime dates have happened and it feels worth it, then we could move forward with figuring out how to add someone to our exposure bubble. It’s a lot of logistics and communication,” said Brock. “I enjoy FaceTime dates a lot, because I don’t have to leave my house and they’re easier to schedule.”

    Building connections online does have its advantages, according to Brock. She says it forces her to be more engaged in the conversation, because that’s the only way there’s any hope of forging an online connection.

    “Overall, COVID has forced me to go slower in relationships and communicate boundaries more effectively,” she said.

    History major Victoria Bankson often worries about the vaccination status of potential partners. She says that if the person she’s interested in has purposely chosen to avoid getting vaccinated, that completely changes her opinion of them and weighs into her decision to ultimately not date them.

    “I’m not going to mess around with somebody who’s unvaxxed, that’s just not right,” Bankson said. “We don’t have the same values if you’re that way.”

    She also shared that conversing online isn’t the most enjoyable way for her to get to know someone, but that having a phone conversation feels more intimate and comfortable.

    “I don’t like texting online, and I don’t feel like I’m the best communicator that way,” Bankson said. “I’m much more of a ‘give me a phone call’ [person,] which is very much opposite of what things are now.”

    Junior Franziska Daumberger doesn’t feel like COVID-19 changed the dating scene for her personally, but acknowledges that it added some new challenges.

    “People would either be careful about COVID and say like ‘oh I’m vaccinated’ or ‘I wear a mask’ or wanting to meet in outdoor places,” said Daumberger. “And then that’s further stipulation upon whether or not I was interested in them or not … if they didn’t care at the height of it I was like ‘I don’t wanna be even knowing you because your beliefs don’t align with mine.”

  • Dealing with Sh*t During COVID-19

    Dealing with Sh*t During COVID-19

    The reality of ‘going through it’ during a time of a pandemic

    Being trapped in your house with your mind feels like the worst thing possible, but right now is the time to allow yourself to heal. It is more than okay to not be okay, all the time and even more so now. Although we wish this was just a vacation for us to sit around and do nothing, sometimes sitting around and doing nothing makes us feel out of control. It feels like we have lost whatever stability we had before.

    We have been in quarantine for over a month now and things were not going too bad. Well, that’s what I thought until I was left alone with my mind and as a result, my anxiety started acting up. Since quarantine started I have gone back to Humboldt to pack up my stuff and move back to my hometown. I made a long-distance relationship plan with my partner only for us to break up less than a week later. I came back to a house where I do not have my own space since I share a room with my teenage sister. Everyone is always in everyone’s business. There’s just no privacy and rules to follow. Plus, dealing with family stuff has really taken a toll on half of the household.

    I will always be grateful for the love I had and for the good times.

    Everything was happening all at once, I felt as if I wasn’t getting a chance to catch my breath. With the quarantine, it’s not like I could get out of the house or go out with my friends to talk things out or distract my mind. Not to mention, in Southern California you can only go outside for so long before the heat is suffocating you and you’re dripping in sweat. With all that being said, I would rather be dealing and healing with all of this right now, where I’m forced to sit in my home and deal with my thoughts.

    I cried for three days straight after my breakup and still find myself tearing up from time-to-time, even as I write this. However after eating all the ice cream I wanted and receiving some tough love from my loved ones, I decided that my world was not going to end just because a relationship did. I will always be grateful for the love I had and for the good times.

    As far as dealing with the family drama, all I can really do is take myself out of it. I make some tea and go outside for as long as I can. My sister and I lock ourselves in our room. I FaceTime my friends at least once a day just to have contact with people that live outside the house. For a while, I let my family pull me into each of their own drama, when it really didn’t have anything to do with me since I just got here. I was taking on their issues as if they were my own and they weren’t. Of course, I will always be there for my family, but I have my own things going on and my own healing to do. My responsibilities right now are my school work and taking care of myself. I mean we’re still in school even though it doesn’t feel like it. That degree is the only thing I have my eyes on right now.

    If I was still going to work and face-to-face classes, I would have so many distractions that I would forget what was going on or I was feeling some type of way. This might be ideal for some people but in my experience if I do not deal with or acknowledge my feelings, it builds up. The end result is much worse than what would have happened if I just took the time to heal right then and there. Now, of course, I would love to go get drunk with friends and forget about real life for a second, but we can’t because of quarantine. However, when you’re not drunk or hungover anymore your problems will most likely still be there so you will have to deal with them eventually. This quarantine has allowed me to deal with everything at once which has been hard, but it is reassuring knowing that once we are allowed to roam freely, I’ll have my mental and emotional shit together.

    Take the time to focus on your well-being. We will be let out again someday. Also, rest assured that you are not the only one. We would all rather not deal with our feelings alongside a pandemic, but it happens and that’s okay.

  • Even if You’re Sick of Them, Don’t Take Your Partner for Granted

    Even if You’re Sick of Them, Don’t Take Your Partner for Granted

    Social distancing has strained my relationship, so be grateful if you’re still with your partner

    Social distancing life isn’t much different from my usual life. I’m not physically going to school or work anymore, but I’m doing my assignments in bed like I normally would. My free time before quarantine would consist of doing homework, eating, watching movies with my roommate and spending time with my partner. There’s only one of those things that I can’t do anymore—spending time with my partner—and it’s the one that hurts the most.

    Life was busy before the days of sheltering in place, and I hadn’t seen my partner much. We vowed after spring break we would spend more time together since I was going to be leaving after graduation and they will be staying up here. But now it looks like our long-distance relationship has started a lot sooner.

    If you find yourself being in quarantine with your partner, but want to get away from them, there are little things you can do for some space.

    Some of my friends have said they were tired of being quarantined with their partner because they were getting on their nerves and they just needed space. When social distancing started, there were a lot of memes going around about how women trapped their partners in their houses with them so that they can talk about their issues and the partners can’t go anywhere. That’s funny, but you shouldn’t need a quarantine to finally talk about your issues. You should be able to do that all the time.

    China reported a spike in the divorce rate and the same is expected for the United States. Due to the quarantine, people’s daily lives have changed and they aren’t used to being stuck with their partners all day. Which is understandable, but also sad. I would love to be stuck inside with my partner during this quarantine. We’ve talked a lot more which is nice, but actually having them under the same roof as me would hit differently.

    If you find yourself being in quarantine with your partner, but want to get away from them, there are little things you can do for some space. Maybe put yourself in another room if you have another room—but if you don’t, maybe take a nice long shower.

    Instead of both of you going to the grocery store together, make a list and have only one of you go. I would hope that you wouldn’t need to distance yourselves and that this time would be enjoyable for you two, but maybe that’s just because I wish I could be watching movies or getting creative with my partner.

    If you’re stuck with your partner and are getting annoyed with the way they do the dishes or something small like that, well, get over it. Either tell them it bothers you or take over the task. There are so many people out there, like myself, that would rather be stuck in a room with their partner no matter how much they annoy them, not to mention all the single people that wish they had a partner to be quarantined with.

  • Ask Evergreen: Group Project Pains

    Ask Evergreen: Group Project Pains

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we’ll answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen

    How do you deal with a group member who’s refusing to do their part of the project?

    Dear Peeved Project Participant,

    Group projects can be excruciating enough, but even more so when you have a member who is not contributing. There are a few things you can do before throwing in the towel or taking on the slacker’s work. You can reach out to this group member, ask the other group members what they think or contact your professor.

    Before doing anything drastic you should ask the slacking group member if there is something confusing about the project. They might not understand their specific role in it and may be too ashamed to speak up. Maybe this group member is dealing with personal issues and isn’t focused on school as much as they could be, so be cordia. If they’re just plain lazy, you should politely call them out in person or through an email.

    Reach out to the any other project group members and mention the stalemate. Your peers might be experiencing the same frustrations as you. Ask them for advice on how to proceed with the project. You all might have to take on the incomplete work to submit a whole project, and you may still have to bring the problem up to the professor. Ideally, since your fellow partners are in the same situation, they will be able to back you up when it comes to explaining the issue.

    If you’ve exhausted all efforts of trying to wrangle in the straggler, you should definitely contact your professor to cue them in. This can be especially helpful if you aren’t getting an individual grade for the project.

    Thankfully, some professors allow for group feedback at the end of projects. Peer reviews can be a cathartic release after a stressful report. Make sure you get the positives and the negatives of all group members to not solely ridicule the lazy member. But don’t forget to emphasize the things that were harder to complete because of their lack of participation and communication. Remember that this is a group project and you’re not alone in this temporary headache.

    Teamwork makes the dream work!

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Ask Evergreen: Long-Lasting Break-Ups?

    Ask Evergreen: Long-Lasting Break-Ups?

    Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.

    Each week we’ll answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.

    Dear Evergreen,

    How long do break-ups last?

    Dear Break-up Battler,

    Some say a break-up lasts half as long as the length of the relationship. Science says it lasts roughly three months. I say it lasts however long you need.

    Don’t force yourself to get over a connection so quickly that you numb out feelings that can help you process. Don’t wallow in your despair and let it consume you, that will just make things all the more difficult to get over.

    Take time for yourself to be alone. Solitude is bliss, and it can facilitate your ability to digest what has happened. Reflect on what went well and what went wrong. Use this ending as a lesson on what to do differently when you decide you’re ready to date again. Be sure to surround yourself with friends and loved ones–not to distract you, but to remind yourself of those who unconditionally care for you.

    There are all different types of relationships and different kinds of break-ups as well. Relationships in which love is involved tend to have lingering feelings long after a parting. Short-term relationships might be easier to move on from. Disdainful break-ups happen, but don’t leave without answers for the peace of mind of all involved. Civil break-ups leave the least amount of wreckage and may lead to strong friendships with those who weren’t the best romantic partners.

    Some break-ups are healthy and necessary for your personal growth, so take things slow and focus on you.

    Sincerely,

    Evergreen

    If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at contactthejack@gmail.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.

  • Student success in college

    Student success in college

    By|Charlotte Rutigliano

    With the start of the new semester upon us, students like senior Environmental Science major Kelcey Hein, strive for continued success during their time here at HSU without any added stress.

    “This year I want to enjoy the classes and appreciate what knowledge comes out of them without stressing out more than I have to,” said Hein.

    One way she plans to stress less is through her study methods. According to Hein, she only uses a quality pen and notebook because it is more motivating for her to have clean and fluid notes that she knows she’ll review and refer back to later.

    Quality notes are one tip HSU Alum Mary Osteen would give for student success, though that’s not the only one.

    Osteen, who graduated in 2004 with a degree in Political Science, said that it’s important for students to get to know and build a relationship with their professors.

    “Don’t remain a name on a paper, go the distance to build a relationship with each professor because education, to be deeply meaningful, is personal.” said Osteen.

    A statement recent Psychology graduate Dezi Villagomez would agree with.

    Villagomez said it truly pays off to go to your professor’s office hours, even though it may be a little terrifying.

    21215942_1537779426274392_1061477993_o.jpg
    Dezi Villagomez after graduation

    “They are here to help you and your needs,” Villagomez said, “go to them for advice, homework questions, or even academic and career advice.”

    Though professors aren’t the only resources on campus for students, Villagomez was one of many students who took use of the school libraries services.

    The libraries services include research help, checking out books, using computers and printers, reserving a study room and different skills workshops among others.

    It’s library resources like this that can help keep students focused on their classes and study sessions. Whether you are studying with a group or by yourself, our alums advise to not procrastinate, study a little everyday and not wait until Sunday.