Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.
Each week we’ll answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.
How do I let someone down easy?
It’s never easy to let someone down, whether you’re ending something romantic or platonic. However, there are always civilized ways to cease a connection no matter how strong the bond. If you’re trying to end a toxic relationship, an uninteresting connection or a friendship with someone who is no longer a positive influence, remember these things: be straightforward with your reasoning, be the bigger person and be a badass if you need to.
Try to understand the reasons why you want to end something. Finding reason can help you cut the connection. Don’t end things hastily, hatefully or immaturely. You can weigh the pros and cons of the situation to understand how continuing things will affect you and the person you’re connected to. Ask yourself why you want to end it and how you’ll be better if you do.
You don’t always owe people explanations for why you no longer want to have ties to them. If you’re letting someone down that you’ve met on a dating site, or someone you’ve gone out with several times but no longer have interest for, you can leave things with simply saying, “I’m no longer interested.” Don’t worry about patting someone’s ego before bidding farewell, and don’t make excuses for why it’s more your fault than theirs. No one’s at fault, you just don’t have a connection with that person anymore.
If you’re trying to end a relationship with a long-term partner, you may want to put in more effort to your parting words. Your goodbye to a partner could be cordial or crude depending on your situation and reasons for ending a relationship. You could use more energy by getting angry at them or save your energy and invest it in yourself. Remember, your happiness and well-being come first. Don’t bother appeasing people if they aren’t going to listen to how you’re feeling in a situation, and don’t lose your cool trying to get them to listen. You’re better off focusing on yourself and your healing process.
You’ve got this!
If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.