Ask Evergreen is a weekly advice column by the students of the Lumberjack.
Each week we answer anonymous questions sent in by readers about anything and everything.
My boyfriend’s mad I didn’t tell him I have a finsta. What should I do?
Dear Secret Socialite,
Healthy relationships involve frequent and meaningful communication, even if that means confessing you have a secret social media account.
The whole reason for having an alternate Instagram account is to hide it from your regular account’s followers. However, considering that you could have been forthcoming about the situation to avoid any disdain, it makes sense that your boyfriend is irritated.
Your boyfriend is probably upset with you because you chose not to tell him. If he found out about your finsta on his own or through your friends he could feel like he’s left out of your loop.
Withholding information is a form of deceit even if you didn’t straight up lie.
He may think that he’s not important enough to know what you’re up to because you decided to keep your secret Instagram a secret from him. Since he’s your partner, I’m sure he expects to know what’s going on in your life.
Alternatively, you are your own person and you don’t have to report every action of yours to your partner. And of course, all of this depends on how new and fresh the relationship is.
Maybe you use your finsta to vent about the annoying things that your boyfriend does. While that may not be the best way to relieve frustration, it’s acceptable and doesn’t make you a bad partner.
Maybe your finsta is used for posting weird content and you don’t want to be judged by your boyfriend. If it is a new relationship, this is completely understandable.
If you still actively use your finsta and restrict your boyfriend from following it, be sure you communicate why. It’s more than okay to have areas of your life that are yours and yours alone. If you plan on staying in this relationship, try not to leave your boyfriend in the dark about the important things, and remember that setting boundaries respectfully is an important piece of any healthy relationship.
If you have any questions you’d like to send in, email us at email@example.com. We won’t publish any names and you don’t need to use one.
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