Flush that fecal matter

by Jillian Wells

Well folks, buckle up because we’re diving deep into the uncharted territory of unflushed mysteries on campus. I never thought my college experience would involve investigative journalism in the bathroom, but here we are. 

Picture this: you just got out of class, you’ve been a hydrated queen all day and drank all 21 ounces of water from your HydroFlask, now your bladder is about to implode on itself, so you rush to the bathroom expecting a nice, clean, flushed environment. When all of a sudden, you peer into the stall and see a huge, nasty piece of feces. Every other stall is currently occupied, panic is starting to set in because you’re running out of time, sweat trickles down your forehead from the pain in your bladder and realization about what you’re about to go through, with no other choice, you brave the stall with nothing but a pile of shit. It’s a shitty situation, no pun intended.  

Now that we understand each other and the situation a bit more, I’ve noticed an increasing amount of unflushed shit in public restrooms on campus. I truly don’t understand the reasoning behind the decision to not flush your fecal matter, and genuinely have so many questions. 

 What do you hope to gain? Do you enjoy it when other people see your poop? Is it some form of protest? Is there an underground society of non-flushers plotting world domination one unflushed toilet at a time? Are you at all concerned about the poor souls who have to see your waste? I really am curious about the why of it all, if you’re someone who doesn’t flush your poop in public restrooms, let me know.

I can’t speak to this being an issue in men’s bathrooms, because as a female with she/her pronouns, I tend to avoid mens bathrooms like the plague. But, I hope for those of you out there who use men’s bathrooms, that the situation isn’t as shitty as it has been in the womens and gender neutral bathrooms. 

I’ve probably seen the unwelcomed sight of unflushed fecal matter in just about every major public restroom on campus, the main offenders include Gist Hall, the Library and Founders Hall. This problem has gotten out of hand. 

Not to shame those of you who don’t flush your poop, but it’s 2023 and we have more important issues to deal with than looking at your unflushed creations. I think I speak for everyone when I say, flush your poo, no one wants to see it! It’s not like we have to pay the water bill, that’s the school’s job (or whoever pays it), so flush that fecal matter!