Photo illustration by Freddy Brewster

Blotter bytes


The Rolling Count:

This week in drug-related activity was pretty chill. Nobody was charged with possession and nobody was caught in the act of smoking weed. However, we do have to salute a fallen soldier. On Wednesday Feb. 6 in the Alder residence hall, “marijuana related contraband located during a fire drill was seized for destruction,” according to a police report. It is unfortunate that the individual lost their bong, bowl, pipe, vape or whatever; but let’s look on the brightside—nobody caught a charge! And that my friend is dope a.f.

Possession charges = 4

Contraband/Paraphernalia= 1 (no one was charged but someone did lose a piece, so I’m counting it)

Hootie Hoo!—what the cops are up to:

Monday Feb. 4

  • STOP! (in the name of love)—A cyclist ran a stop sign at 17th and Wildlife Lane. They were just warned, but everyone should know that bikes must obey the same traffic laws as vehicles.
  • Petty Theft—Someone stole a purse from the Student Health Center and that is lameeeee.

Tuesday Feb. 5

  • LOUD NOISES! —Multiple burglary alarms went off on Tuesday. One of them was due to a broken window at Room 142 of the Wildlife building.
  • I swear this isn’t cocaine—Someone spilled a whole bunch of flour near the Pedestrian Underpass near LK Wood Blvd. The subject helped clean up the white powder and then went along with his day.
  • Serving the community—UPD helped with a flat tire, a locked car door and two dead batteries, all in one day. If the cops help you, make sure to give them a hug, handshake, or a “thank you.”
  • Vandalism—Someone drew something on something somewhere (Gist Hall). Freakin’ yawnnn. Who cares about vandalism anymore, I got student loan debt to worry about.
  • An issue worth addressing—A “male non-student was warned for…camping/sleeping on campus property…” Arcata’s new mayor Brett Watson said he wants to focus on helping our fellow citizens-in-need during his first term as mayor. Let’s hope he can succeed in helping those who call our streets home.
  • Whoa bro!—Somebody got warned for skateboarding on campus where they shouldn’t be. Next!
  • Help I’m stuck!—Around 1 p.m. someone got stuck in the elevator in Founder’s Hall. Talk about a nightmare.

Wednesday Feb. 6

  • Someone literally lost their car—Someone thought they parked their car at the Children’s Center when they actually parked it in the Jolly Giant lot. That is literally on the other side of campus ya silly goose!
  • Annoying neighbor—Someone called the cops because a car was parked on B Street “for the last two days and has not moved.” Come on! You live in a college town. This person probably opposes new housing projects too. Lame!
  • Good Guys—The cops jumpstarted someone’s car. That’s pretty cool, right?
  • Drug Activity! (it’s weed again)—It’s the same thing I told you about in the Rolling Count. Next!
  • Those dang skateboarders are at it again—Skateboarding is not a crime, until they cite you for doing it on campus. This person was skating near B Street in someplace they shouldn’t be. I once heard that heaven is a halfpipe, so you got that to look forward to.
  • Grand Theft Laptop—Someone stole a laptop, which can be devastating. I mean if someone stole mine, I would probably cry and freak out and have a panic attack, because all of my school work is on here. Don’t steal laptops, or in general. Stealing’s bad, mkay?

Thursday Feb. 7

  • Burglary—The Pacific Southwest Research Lab on Bayview Street was broken into around 11 p.m. A 37-year-old man was arrested. No details were listed about what he tried to take.
  • Smokin’ ciggies—An “anonymous crime tip email of two females smoking cigarettes” near the Student Health Center was reported around 2:30 p.m.
  • Paranormal activity—There were five calls to UPD from the Library elevator. The report says it was due to an “equipment malfunction,” but I think it is ghosts so that’s what’s going into the public record.
  • Good guy alert—Someone got an escort to their car from UPD at 1:39 a.m.

Friday Feb. 8

  • Petty Theft—Someone stole a bike chain… but not the bike… hmm
  • 9:08 a.m.—“Officer contacted a subject who appeared to have a bulge in their waistband under a coat. It was not a weapon.” This occurred at the intersection of Union and 10th.

Saturday Feb. 9

  • IT SNOWED!!!!
  • Paranormal activity 2 (ghosts are real)—There was a report of a tarp and other items left in front of the Natural History Museum on G Street. But when the cops showed up…it was gone! Ghosts came and cleaned up the mess, definitely not a person, but ghosts.

Sunday Feb. 10

  • Paranormal activity 3—Four times throughout the day 911 was dialed and “voices were heard.” Ghosts, guys, freakin’ ghosts.
  • Heroes!—A “male non-student was transport to Mad River Community Hospital due to possible hypothermia.” Our counterparts that call our streets and wooded areas home are always in need of warm clothes and food donations. Donations can be dropped off at the Arcata House at 501 9th Street. Bedding, socks and raincoats are always in need.
  • There is stuff everywhere—Downed tree limbs, power lines and other stuff in the street were reported on Sunday. Probs due to that dang snow! Send me to L.A. I’m over this rain/snow stuff! (JK there’s too many people there).
  • HELP WE’RE STUCK!—Eight people were stuck in elevators on Sunday due to power outages (or ghosts). Eight! I’m taking the stairs from now on.

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