“I love you,” I said to my boyfriend this afternoon. “I’ll see you in a month.”
With a heavy heart, I walked away from him. Our eyes met with one last glance and we went our separate ways.
We’ve been a long-distance couple for a year. It was hard at first because we went from working and living together to seeing each other every few weeks. This school year, we’re going longer without seeing each other. I’m working weekends and can’t come home on a whim. Also, I have a bunkmate this semester. We have to plan his visits and get a hotel when he does come. But, I’m only two and a half hours from him, so it’s not a problem for him to come up just for a night at a time.
So, here’s my hot take: I like long distance. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and I miss him every day that I’m not with him, but I’m a very independent person. To be honest, I’m very needy when I am with him, because he does all kinds of things for me – acts of service are my love language. But because I’m an independent girly, I do okay as long as I’m staying busy.
I think that everyone should do long distance at least once in their relationship. I think having some space from each other is healthy. You can find out who you are without them while being with them at the same time. Even if it’s a two-week family vacation without your partner or a temporary school or work relocation, it can fortify your relationship.
The most important thing to remember when you’re in a long-distance relationship is that communication is key. In this modern age, we have technology that keeps us connected better than ever. My boyfriend and I video call each other on Snapchat at least once a day; several times if possible.
Another thing that’s important is to remind them that you love them just as much when you’re apart as when you’re together. A great way to do that is sending letters. I know there are more efficient ways to communicate, but letters make great keepsakes that will foster fond memories you can look back on in the years to come.
If I could choose, I’d still do long distance. Maybe not for a year – it’ll be two when I’m done with school – but at least for a few months. Because of this trial of our love, we are stronger than ever.
Shannon Rhodes already had a passion for fashion and makeup before delving into Humboldt’s drag scene. After attending several drag shows dressed to impress, Rhodes ran into drag artists Val de Flores and Sharon Taterz who offered them the opportunity to start booking their own performances. In May of 2023, Rhodes debuted as Killpop at the Septentrio Winery.
“I kind of blackout when I’m performing, because it’s very short,” Rhodes said. “It’s just like, three to four minutes. The energy—it’s addicting. The crowds are amazing. It’s awesome getting to perform in front of a fully queer space, where everybody’s there just to see you and support you and be positive. All the other girls, they’re super fun to hang out with.”
Killpop’s friend Seraphim Nagel joins their performance at the Septentrio Winery. Photo courtesy of Makayla Kuhnke.
Despite being a small county, Humboldt has a thriving drag community. Every member’s introduction to drag and their personal relationship to the art form is unique. Additionally, every drag artist’s reason for performing is different and reflective of their life experiences.
Paul Michael Leonardo Atienza, an assistant professor of Critical Race and Gender Studies at Cal Poly Humboldt, has been doing drag performances for 20 years. They began to explore their gender expression after attending an LGBT campus retreat during their senior year at UC Riverside.
“We were processing trauma in our lives, and what came out for me was how I was shamed as a child of my gender expression, and particularly feminine gender expression,” Atienza said. “Many of us were figuring out, ‘Well, how do we work to strengthen and remove less of the stigma that we learn?’”
Atienza took on the identity of Maria Arte Susya Purisima Tolentino during their drag performances. Ma Arte drifts between being an extension of Atienza and a separate persona, but Atienza considers her to be a creative collaborator. Together, Atienza and Ma Arte have collaborated with drag artists and members of the queer community across the world.
Lawrence Fobes King, a queer middle schooler from Ventura, California, was murdered in 2008 by a classmate. This tragedy moved Atienza to use drag as a form of protest by bringing awareness of injustices against the queer community.
“At that time, [drag] was still quite small, but people were really into watching drag, and a lot of the drag at that time also was lip synching to popular music,” Atienza said. “And I was like, ‘Well, if you have this audience, what can you do to also add more social issues to it?’ And with the murder of Larry King, I tried to pair a song and created a performance in honor of his struggle and his memory.”
Drag also offers a secure support system to queer people and an opportunity to share queer joy. Joel Costello, who performs as Feral Fawcett, found his inspiration in popular drag queens like Trixie Mattell and Bob the Drag Queen. Performing since March of 2023, Costello found that Feral Fawcett had a positive impact on a wide range of community members.
“This mom asked if she could take a picture of us because her daughter was in grade school and was getting bullied for being gay,” Costello said. “There was a lot of drama against drag queens happening at the time, so that felt really good… it reminds me that there’s more to it than just being silly and collecting the bills.”
Feral Fawcett also provided Costello a space to explore feminine gender expression.
“I feel like she is a representation over the feminine side of myself, which is something that before I used to try to squash down,” Costello said. “I came from a hometown that was not very pro-LGBT, so I always tried to be like the manly gay guy. It was nice to have a release… I like blending my masculine and feminine side into one thing.”
Through drag, Rhodes has been able to gain confidence in their artistic skills and their body.
Thrash and Recycling (left), Gliterous Cliterous (middle), and Killpop (right) pose together at the Septentrio Winery. Photo courtesy of Makayla Kuhnke.
“I feel like my confidence was taking a hit for a while – you know, my body was changing,” Rhodes said. “That also means my favorite clothes that I like to wear don’t fit, I got to figure out new styles, new clothes. Having people just be like, ‘Damn, bro,’ and seeing photos of myself looking good performing in the body that I have is just like, ‘Alright, I guess your ass is kind of fat.’ The crowd really just shows you like, ‘I am cool. I’m doing this because I got so many awesome qualities to me.’”
Drag expects a lot out of its performers, both mentally and physically.
“What people don’t realize — until they maybe watch [RuPaul’s] Drag Race or something — drag queens have to be a comedian, a dancer, a seamstress, a hairdresser, a makeup artist, like your own manager,” Rhodes said. “You do everything for that performance. Even some are singers. You have to be so many things as a drag queen, and I think it’s a really pure form of art because you’re doing it all.”
Drag artists have a lot to carry on their shoulders, including the stigma and lack of education around drag.
In 2023, Tennessee legislators passed the Adult Entertainment Act, meant to prohibit adult cabaret entertainment on public property, including, “male or female impersonators.” The act’s broad language allowed law enforcement to potentially prosecute drag artists and trans people. After Tennessee, anti-drag bills have been introduced in at least 14 other states. Many conservative legislators have used concern for the safety of minors to pass anti-drag laws and censor openly queer expressions.
“A lot of people think it’s a super sexual thing and that it’s like a fetish,” Costillo said. “Most drag performers I know have a very distinct separation between the two.”
People of many different gender identities do drag, but their gender identities are separate from their identity when in drag.
“In general, people conflate gender expression, gender performance, [and] gender identity with sexual orientation, sexual behavior and practice. And all of those are separate,” Atienza said. “People who are drag performers are of all gender expressions and sexual orientations. I think that’s one thing that we need to challenge not just in drag, but in understanding gendered and sexual lives. We’re bodies that have different ways of feeling [and] expressing themselves and society has put us in specific boxes.”
Despite the adversities the drag community faces in the U.S. and the rest of the world, drag artists have been thriving in Humboldt County. The definition of drag is constantly changing and growing. Members of Humboldt’s queer community from all backgrounds have been able to find a safe haven in drag, allowing them to heal from trauma and play with gender performance.
“I do believe RuPaul in saying that we’re born naked, and the rest is drag, right?” Atienza said. “Drag is really a way to demonstrate the constructiveness of gender and how there’s so many possibilities out there. Drag to me is not just on stage, with queens and kings and in-betweens. Drag is every day.”
For the better half of my teenage and young adult life, I’ve dealt with intense bouts of sadness in the days leading up to my menstrual cycle. These episodes usually only lasted around a week and were characterized by heightened irritability, anxiety, fatigue, decreased interest in activities and in the most extreme cases, suicidal ideation. Due to these symptoms, I chalked it up to being some form of major depressive disorder that was exacerbated by the hormonal shift during that week. However, thanks to a couple Google searches and several trips to my doctor, I was diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and was able to start taking the steps to learning to live with PMDD.
According to Dr. Alison Palacios, a physician at the Cal Poly Humboldt Student Health Clinic, PMDD is considered the most severe form of Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) as maintained by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.
“Patients’ symptoms must include behavioral symptoms and often include physical symptoms. The most common behavioral symptoms are mood swings and frequently include irritability, anxiety/tension, sad or depressed mood, increased appetite/food cravings, sensitivity to rejection and diminished interest in activities,” Palacios said. “The most common physical manifestations of PMS are abdominal bloating and an extreme sense of fatigue.”
While PMS symptoms and PMDD symptoms can look extremely similar, PMDD differs in that feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and anxiety are almost consistently present. Both may include symptoms such as bloating and intense mood swings, but PMS is not considered a mental disorder and is typically pretty manageable. PMDD on the other hand, is considered a mental disorder by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) and can be debilitating in some extreme cases.
In order to be diagnosed with PMDD, at least five of the symptoms presented in the DSM must be present in the week leading to menstruation, start to improve with the start of menses, and be minimal to gone by the end of the menstrual cycle. These symptoms include marked depression, anxiety, affective mood, irritability, decreased interest in activity, difficulty concentrating, lethargy, change in appetite, hypersomnia or insomnia, and physical symptoms such as joint or muscle pain. This criteria presented in the DSM must have also been met for most menstrual cycles that occurred within the last year. Yet despite PMDD being a recognised mental disorder, it is an underrepresented condition.
“It is not well reported, but worldwide prevalence is 2%, and in the U.S., it was 2.9% among Black females versus 4.4% White females,” Palacios said. “It is probably quite underdiagnosed and especially so in Black females and other people of color. Some with the diagnosis assume their symptoms are ‘normal’ for menstruating people or seek healthcare for years to decades before receiving the correct diagnosis.”
As per Palacios’ advice, moderate to severe symptoms can be treated with antidepressants, hormonal birth control and cognitive behavioral therapy. Milder symptoms may be treated with exercise, herbal remedies and supplements. Bilateral oophorectomy, the surgical removal of the ovaries, is reserved for the most extreme cases of PMDD.
There are resources on campus for those who may think they are experiencing PMDD. The Student Health Clinic can help address symptoms and provide diagnostics and treatment for the condition. They can also refer to specialists if needed. TalkNow sessions with TimelyCare and the Counseling and Psychological Services line are also helpful resources for managing PMDD symptoms. If you are experiencing any thoughts of harming yourself, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (phone number 988) is available 24 hours.
PMDD can be extremely hard to live with, but like most conditions, finding coping mechanisms and support can help dramatically. For LJ Ferris, coping looks like realizing that PMDD shouldn’t affect their self-worth.
“In the midst of it, it seems like it’s never going to end. Then, your period comes and you realize you indeed are still a human deserving of love,” Ferris said. “It is not supposed to be normal to want to die leading up to your period. It is not supposed to be normal to have such severe physical and emotional pain around periods.”
Despite the fact I had only had two drinks throughout the entire night, I very quickly felt unwell and more drunk than I have ever been in my entire life. The fact is, if you are roofied, you often have very little time between drinking and realizing that you are not well. It comes on quickly and you may find someone promising to “help you.” I realized then I had been roofied. The scariest part about that night is I don’t remember half of it.
What exactly is a roofie though? Roofies, or being roofied, is the slang term for the date rape drug called Rohypnol, officially known as flunitrazepam. Easily popped into and dissolved in drinks, the sedative causes memory loss, drowsiness, and sometimes even the loss of consciousness. Only one tablet can impair you for up to 8-12 hours. Combined with alcohol, it makes for an intensified effect.
As cliche as it sounds, don’t ever leave your drink unattended. Sometimes, you need to be even more careful of those around you that are your so-called friends. It’s not that I didn’t not trust who I was with – I had my friends and dormmates with me, but we had been party hopping on Halloween night, drinking and accepting drinks from wherever they came from. Truth is, I still have no idea how I got roofied. This wasn’t a blackout just from too much alcohol, this was a new experience clearly resembling the effects of being roofied.
Staying safe while out on the town starts with prevention. Consider bringing cup covers next time you go out partying. Cup covers prevent someone from getting the opportunity to slip pills, powders, or other substances into your drink without you knowing. I understand you may feel silly pulling out something that resembles a condom for your cup but remember, self defense begins with prevention. The Check Your Drink CYD test strips are another way to prevent being roofied. This is an easy-to-use rapid drink spiking test that detects ketamine, rohypnol, and GHB from only a few drops of your drink.
It’s not like this experience has deterred me away from drinking or the occasional partying, especially now that the drinking I’m doing is legal. However, it has made me think to just be a little more careful and aware of my surroundings because of what can happen.
If I can bring awareness and prevention methods to just one person, I’d be happy with that. Nobody deserves to have their drink tampered with and potentially taken advantage of.
“Wrap it before you tap it.” We’ve all heard that before.
Condoms and other forms of contraceptives help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections and diseases. However, condoms don’t protect you from all STIs, such as herpes, genital warts, syphilis and mpox, which can be spread from skin-to-skin contact.
According to the Center for Disease Control, more than 2.5 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis were reported in the United States in 2022.
Humboldt’s Student Health Center offers information and counseling in a safe, confidential setting. They offer PAP smears, breast exams, and other sexual health screenings, pregnancy tests and even medication abortions. At the health center, they screen, test, and treat sexually transmitted infections (STIs) as well. As far as keeping safe, they also provide many contraceptive options such as long acting contraception, birth control pills, patches, rings, condoms, and much more.
If you’re concerned about privacy with sexual health and need resources, you can sign up for the family pact card to access these services in person at the health center.
Cal Poly Humboldt also has the Peer Health Education Center in the Recreation and Wellness center (RWC). They offer free harm reduction supplies, condoms of all kinds, emergency contraception, narcan and test strips, menstrual products and more.
There are many ways you can maintain sexual health. Practice consent; remember an enthusiastic and informed yes means yes. Communicate with your partner and explore your body, discover what you like and share that with your partner(s). Be safe and protect yourself and your partner(s) against sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy.
Most importantly, get yourself tested and educate yourself about the risks of having unprotected sex. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and communicate with your partner(s).
We’ve all heard of straight, gay, and bisexual people. But what about asexual people?
Asexual people are people who do not experience sexual attraction.
Abigail Vonderschmitt, a music major who is in her first year at Cal Poly Humboldt, has always known that she is asexual. When she discovered the term a couple of years ago, she instantly related to the term. When she came out, nothing really changed. People treated her normally.
She made it clear to her partner early on, and she was blessed with an understanding partner.
“There’s more to it than what the media portrays,” Vonderschmitt said. “I know how to express myself and know how to put into words how I feel,” she said.
A history major going only as Adam with a concentration in education, currently identifies as demisexual, which is an identity that is on the asexual spectrum.
“It’s something I’ve been exploring for about a year now,” he said.
He acknowledges that for masculine people, questioning your (a)sexuality is not the norm. Adam has not really come out, at least not to his parents. He has noted that people don’t understand asexuality the way they do other sexualities.
“I imagine there’d be a lot of explaining to do,” Adam said.
Adam believes that it’s important to continue educating people and that gender roles need to be addressed. He wishes people understood the intricacies of asexuality, and that people could go beyond stereotypes and understand how identities can be fluid. Being on the spectrum of asexuality has definitely made for some challenges in the dating realm, because for many, sexuality goes hand in hand with romantic attraction.
“People come in with expectations and you can’t deliver on them,” Adam said.
He believes it would be easier to fit into the societal norm, but has done the work to break free.
“I love understanding myself better and understanding I’m not broken for not wanting to be a certain way,” Adam said.
An anonymous computer science major, who asked to be called “Jane”, knew she was asexual back in middle school. When she tried to speak about it to others, she got backlash; some told her it wasn’t a real thing. Jane went back into the closet after that. It was only recently that she started to accept herself again. She is not out to her parents, as they are not very queer friendly. Her former partner told her that asexuality wasn’t possible, which is one of the reasons they broke up. Her current friend group is accepting, however. She doesn’t want to explain or defend herself, so she hasn’t come out to very many people.
“I still get imposter syndrome,” Jane said.
Jane has seen doubtful comments on social media, but tries to surround herself with supportive people. She wishes people understood that sexual attraction is different from arousal. Asexuality is not feeling sexual attraction to people, no matter how your body reacts.
“It’s a wide spectrum,” Jane said. “[It’s impacted my dating life] a lot.”
“Honestly, I haven’t had any luck finding asexual guys,” Jane said. “[However], I feel like I have a deeper understanding of sexuality, and how diverse and fluid it can be.”
She’s had sex, though she doesn’t feel much of anything during it.
Another asexual student, going by E., is an Environmental Studies major with a concentration in ecological restoration in her third year at Cal Poly Humboldt. She first realized she was asexual in middle school. She changed her mind for several years, but a couple of years ago, rediscovered the asexual spectrum and has identified as asexual ever since. According to her, it has been a winding journey. Her parents didn’t take her ace identity seriously. They thought it was a phase and didn’t care much. She also came out as a trans woman, and this was taken more seriously by her parents. Most of her friends accept her, however. She said that being asexual has never been used against her very directly, though many people are ignorant about it. She has found it very annoying, but it hasn’t caused her real issues. She says she wishes people knew there isn’t just one option, or way, asexuality can look.
“Asexuality is a really broad spectrum,” E. said. “People have different interests.”
The biggest impact for her is if a person has expectations, it will turn out badly for them. E. noted that since she doesn’t experience sexual attraction, she is drawn to people by aesthetic attraction. E. is also aromantic, meaning she doesn’t experience romantic attraction either. However, she still wants deep emotional relationships. She is currently in a relationship, and cares for her partner deeply, more than a close friend even. E. wishes people would be more aware of this.
Waiting in a bathroom stall, hoping to see a tapping foot. Hearing someone enter and then going into the empty stall next to you. All of a sudden – that tapping foot appears. They’re not just listening to music or procrastinating in between classes. This person is looking for some kind of sexual encounter in the public restroom. This encounter is an age-old tradition many people call cruising.
“[Cruising is] walking or driving about certain areas, called cruising grounds, looking for a sexual partner. These meetings are usually one-off, anonymous encounters,” Birmingham LGBT, a queer health and community resource, stated on their website.
It’s not for everyone, but it is popular and a somewhat underground activity that typically happens discreetly everywhere and anywhere. Gloryholes are a classic example of cruising
that you might be familiar with, but not always required for a good experience while searching for a public sexual encounter.
On campus at Cal Poly Humboldt, cruising does in fact happen. Without revealing the popular spots, bathrooms and the community forest are classic places that students go to cruise. People typically look for hidden spots with either quick access to hide or an easy escape. Around the corner and behind the tree some might say.
While looking for cruisers to contribute to this piece, I did notice an irregular lack of horny guys. Typically, there are plenty of headless profiles on Grindr looking to “blow their load” or “swap some head” but no one was around willing to share about their sexual desires.
I guess students on campus are too busy to cruise right now in the semester. Maybe they’re finding themselves stuck in committed relationships, or just not horny enough to wait on the bathroom floor for an anonymous penis to slide under a stall. But I can assure you cruising is alive and well in Humboldt County.
Baker Beach is the only nude beach in Humboldt County and is a well-known cruising spot for regular cruisers. On the beach, down the shore, and around the big rocks, guys wait for someone willing to get down and dirty. Aside from this popular spot, parks, hiking trails, and parking lots are places where cruisers can find others looking for sexual encounters.
Despite your desperation though, protecting yourself is always important while having sex, especially with random men. Condoms, PrEP, and getting regularly tested are the easiest ways to protect yourself while hooking up with sexy men in the forest and random restrooms.
Free sexual health resources are provided at the Student Health Center and in the Peer Health Center. To contact the Student Health Center you can email health@humboldt.edu or call (707) 826-3146.
Moonlight shone through the bedroom window. A plethora of naked bodies wriggled and writhed. This was the experience of Cal Poly Humboldt sophomore Calvin Kulpa, a psychology major who recently embarked on his first ever sexual encounter with more than one other person.
“I might have been feeling a little frisky or adventurous being in college as a young adult, and I got myself into a couple of sexual situations,” Kulpa said.
Senior anthropology major Alfonso Aviles also began to experiment with group sex once he got to college. Aviles has had mostly positive experiences with group sex in the past, and the only time he experienced anything negative was when there was a lack of communication.
“A lot of people think of sex as a one-on-one thing, and that’s fine, but if you decide to bring in a third party, or if you are the third party, there’s often a lot of boundaries that have to be discussed,” Aviles said. “It’s a good way to explore a whole different route and open yourself up to new opportunities.”
Aviles also stressed the importance of open communication during group sex as a way to make sure that everyone in participation is on the same page. He believes that keeping an open mind and being honest with each other is the key to having a positive group sex experience.
“If you’re curious about it, and you know that you want to try it eventually, don’t be afraid to discuss it with a partner, or whoever,” Aviles said. “Just put it out there, talk about it, establish boundaries, and try to stay open-minded. Acknowledge your emotions before, during and after, and talk about it after. See how you feel, and if you don’t like it, don’t let that ruin what you had.”
Sophomores Chloe Nye and Sophia Fox have also dabbled in group sex. Nye is a studio art major and Fox is studying business marketing. The two of them are good friends, and have engaged in group sex together in the past.
“I think it brought me and Chloe a lot closer,” Fox said. “We became a lot more comfortable around each other.”
Although they both enjoyed the experience, they agreed that they each prefer one-on-one sex over group sex.
“I think it’s fun, but I don’t think it’s as personal to be honest,” said Nye. “I would say that it’s fun for the story, but it’s not necessarily as intimate and meaningful as one-on-one sex.”
Kulpa was on the same page with Fox and Nye, and explained that while group sex can be a blast, he prefers the intimacy of sex with just one partner.
“It’s like a whole different thing,” Kulpa said. “It’s not as intimate because there’s more people involved. It does seem more fun, but one-on-one sex is more intimate because it’s just you two.”
Lots of college students are open minded when it comes to group sex – but it’s not for everyone, and that’s okay.
“I don’t think I would go seek out another something-some,” Kulpa said. “But the door is open.”
Having sexual relations with the same person for an extended amount of time can become monotonous, but it doesn’t have to. Here are some ways to spice up your sex life with your significant other, or if you just want to try something new with a partner. We’ll start with simpler (more vanilla) things first and work our way up to the dirtier bits. Of course, make sure you’re both into whatever you’re trying and don’t pressure or feel pressured to try anything you’re uncomfortable with.
Nipple play
Sucking titties. That’s it.
Light spanking
A little slap on the bum-bum can be fun. Next time you’re going at it doggy-style, either ask your partner for a spank, or give your partner a bit of a slap on the rear. Keep in mind that bottoms bruise easily, so try not to hurt whoever’s on the receiving end.
Toys
There is a toy for everyone. Whether it’s a vibrator, cock-ring or butt-plug, you can find a toy that fits your liking. Toys can be used on their own or as a supplemental piece to intercourse. Adding a toy to your bedroom happenings can make your sex more fun and more intimate.
Location, location, location
Having the house to yourselves can be a blessing. Put a blanket over the couch, coffee table or the kitchen floor and enjoy the freedom of making love outside the bedroom. You might be thinking, “what about the car?” Don’t get arrested for going at it in public, but if you have a garage, the car is yours to play in.
Roleplay
Maybe you have a work uniform you look good in. For example, you work retail, you can pretend your partner is a customer you’re going above and beyond for in customer service. However you want to play, it can be fun to spice it up by adopting a new persona or profession or make up a situation you’ve always fantasized about.
Love is in the air and in the bedroom during this time of the year. Enjoy yourselves and rejoice in the shared desire to bump uglies with the one you love, or happened to stumble upon, during Valentines day. The bedroom, living room couch, or steamy vehicle is where it typically happens, but one needs to read the room – or SUV – and contemplate what really needs to be in said room when the romance gets hot. Maybe some candles, speakers, a throw blanket to protect the furniture, but your pet does not make the list. Keep the pets out of the bedroom during the heat of battle. They do not need to fall victim to your bad angles.
Pooches, felines, hedgehogs or guinea pigs should not bear witness to your sensual endeavors. Subjecting your pets to such debauchery is not the move in today’s somewhat civilized world. Boundaries need to be set and your pet should be aware of those boundaries. Be a good parent and send the fur babies out of the room or to a friend’s house if needed.
I know that some of you may be in sticky situations where you don’t have the opportunity to send your furry friend out of the bedroom. I do have sympathy for you but I hope you know that the pet knows you’re terrible at sex. I don’t care how bloated your ego is, they know the truth.
I’m aware that I am spoiled with a one-bedroom apartment and the ability to close doors on curious pets. My partner recently moved into the apartment, bringing all four of her cats and her chihuahua that sleeps over occasionally. These animals, plus my glorious cat named Tibbles, brought the total to five cats and one shit-eating chihuahua. I love them all, which is why I now try to protect their sanity.
I used to be a degenerate, not caring what these animals witnessed, but several instances have forced me to reverse my opinion. I am not proud of it. Trust me. The last thing you want is your partner’s chihuahua licking your feet while journeying to the promised land. Or when you regret having the mattress less than a foot off the ground and one of the cats decides it’s a great time to purr in your ear when you’re quite preoccupied. I know this is Humboldt and standards are typically thrown out the steamy window, but there’s a time where lines need to be drawn.
You spent money on a nice dinner, watched “The Notebook,” and turned on the Lumberjack’s pleasure playlist to lay the framework of a beautiful sexual experience. Then, your partner’s blind cat yearns for help after getting stuck at the top of the cat tree in the middle of your romantic exploration. I can only laugh during these moments, but damn I feel bad for the little critters. They definitely did not sign up for this sort of weird connection to their owners and they most definitely talk shit behind your back.
Handmade cards: Handmade gifts are always better, even if they come out looking like a kindergartener made it. A quick Youtube search will show you a variety of cards to make, from a Victorian love-note to a pop-up book.
Love letter: Literally, just tell them why you love them. If you’re bad at writing or expressing your feelings, do it in bullet points. Put it in an envelope, write their name and spray it with your favorite perfume or cologne. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be thoughtful.
Valentine gift basket: All you need is a basket, a pair of fuzzy socks, some of their favorite snacks, maybe a bottle of lotion or hand cream, a gift card, anything. The world is your oyster and it doesn’t have to cost more than $20.
Flowers and a stuffed animal: Come on. Easy. Classic gift – even if it’s corny, it really does make a difference.
Playlist: You can do this on just about any music platform; Spotify, Apple Music, Soundcloud. Make them a playlist. It’s our generation’s version of a mixtape.
Order something online: That way, you can blame the post office for it not coming on time, and pretty much everyone but yourself for not planning ahead.
Dates:
Cafe Mokka: Already regretting listing one of my favorite spots in town, but they seriously have some of the best $5 hot chocolate in town, made with homemade whipped cream and love. Cash only.
Paul’s Pizza: You can sit next to each other in a booth and share a giant slice of pizza for no more than $8. So yummy and so cheap.
Arcata Marsh: It can be a little stinky sometimes, but it’s got one of the best views of the sunset and it’s accessible without a car. Smoke a joint or bring some sandwiches and watch some freaking birds.
Picnic in the Plaza: If the weather permits, a picnic in the Plaza can be super fun. With a couple finger foods and snacks, you can watch the Plazoids in their natural habitat.
Movie/TV show night: Fairy lights, pillows, blankets, snacks and a streaming service. All of which can be borrowed or acquired for cheap.
At the end of the day, your partner just wants to feel seen. Take a moment and think about who they are, what they like, and you will know exactly what to do for Valentine’s Day.
I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. I’ve known for a long while that we aren’t compatible as people, but we still have fun together. He’s just not emotionally mature, and lacks sincerity. We don’t ever really have substantial conversation – most of the time we spend just rotting together. I love his friend group though and things aren’t all bad. I just don’t want to lose everything I’ve built with him. I’m also so scared of how painful the breakup would be, ruining my semester and making it so hard to do the things I need and want to do. I am at a point where I feel stuck and have no clue what to do. Please help!
Stuck is exactly where you need to be sometimes to realize you have to force some change in your life. No one wants to feel stuck – but no one’s gonna save you from it, either.
Two years is a pretty long time to get to know someone. What I think you should ask yourself is, would you still date the person you’re with if you knew everything you knew now? Would you still date them as they are? Or, are you dating this person with the intention of changing them?
We often find ourselves fixing things into the ways we want them to be, and unfortunately, people just aren’t like that. If they aren’t willing to put the work in to change for themselves, they aren’t going to put the work in to change for you – and they shouldn’t. You should date someone you feel is on your level and they should date someone who accepts them as they are.
Of course, you can grow together, but sometimes one person grows faster than the other. It’s okay to outgrow people, but we have to be willing to accept the consequences of letting them go.
Being alone is scary, and the Humboldt dating pool is even scarier. To me, however, nothing is scarier than being stuck.
In your comfortability, you’re losing time and opportunity. Your relationship isn’t a death sentence unless you let it be; you can find someone new to build with, you can make new friends and you can feel good. Yes, you’re somewhat comfortable now, but imagine how happy you could be.
Be honest, do you really see yourself marrying this person? If they proposed to you tomorrow, would you be excited? It doesn’t seem like it.
Free yourself of your love-made shackles, let yourself be uncomfortable and find yourself within your pain.
This year I turn 21, and I’ve never been drunk in my entire life.
Looking back on that sentence, it seems counterintuitive. Legally I wouldn’t be allowed to drink anyway, so the night’s still young – right? Well, I don’t know, maybe the night is starting to get old.
In March, it will be six years since I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I was a freshman in high school with a couple of alcoholic parents, and I wasn’t interested in drinking anyway. In fact, when the doctors told me I shouldn’t drink because of my epilepsy, I felt relieved to have an excuse not to drink. An excuse other than not wanting to – or because my dad died from alcoholism, that is.
The relief didn’t last though. Throughout highschool, I made friends with the stoners. It was easy because they wouldn’t drink like other teenagers, and I saw myself as a patient using marijuana medicinally – or at least that’s what I told my neurologist. Truth is, I’ve never had a medical problem with smoking weed or the occasional mushroom trip. I was California sober, as they say.
When I moved to Humboldt for college, to no one’s surprise, I kept up with my “medicinal” lifestyle. In high school and throughout college, I’ve stayed close with people who aren’t heavy drinkers. No frat bros and no fake IDs. Just deadheads, med cards and many tours of our local herbal facilities. That’s why I chose Humboldt over other schools. The party scene is mostly BYOBs (bring your own bong) and forest shindigs.
All that being said, it’s impossible to avoid FOMO around alcohol. Whether it’s at parties, concerts, house dinners, first dates… even in pop culture – movies, music, books – it’s everywhere. It’s as if people think college students can’t be alcoholics.
The problem I’ve always had with being California sober is the fact it never felt like I had an option. While everyone was drinking at parties, I needed to feel included in social settings. If I couldn’t pass a bottle at least I could pass a joint. I started smoking weed for fun, I kept smoking weed to feel like a normal college student. I thought because I didn’t drink I was sober, but I wasn’t. I was stuck in an in-between.
I wasn’t consciously choosing to be California sober. I couldn’t drink alcohol because of my epilepsy, and I couldn’t stop smoking weed because of Humboldt’s societal standards. After smoking weed for six years, it only made me anxious. I didn’t enjoy being high anymore, I just liked smoking in a circle with my friends. Smoking weed is a way of socializing. I don’t smoke cigarettes and I don’t vape, so how else was I supposed to fit in?
At the end of last year, I made a choice. I’m already halfway there, why not embrace it? Lean into the discomfort. I guess at parties I’ll have to rely on my natural charm. Feel my emotions, feel the social anxiety, and ride out that feeling. When I’m sober I am in complete control. Epilepsy doesn’t rule me, my surroundings don’t rule me, my inner monologue is under control… like I said, just me and my natural charm.
Now when people offer me drugs, because let’s be honest it oddly happens all the time, I tell them I’m sober. This time I mean it. Nothing to justify, no specifying what sober means, just sober by definition. It’s even got a ring to it.
“Yeah, I’m sober.”
Spending time with friends, laughing until I’m crying, journaling before bed, it’s all got a new ring to it.
I still have my vices though. Ice cream by the quart, getting way too invested in board games, trauma dumping in the newspaper…
You could say it’s a different kind of high, but I’d rather not. I’m sober.
Tigger doesn’t have any stripes. He isn’t furry, and his jumping skills are horrible. His scales are nice and smooth, and his facial hair rivals a 19th century president’s. Tigger the bearded dragon is just one of many attractions people at the Umoja Center can offer.
The Umoja Center for Pan-African Student Excellence, located in Nelson Hall East, kicked off a month of events for Black Liberation Month on Feb. 1 with an open house.
Student art and photos of Black activists, athletes, musicians, and historical figures line the walls from floor to ceiling. “I love my melanin,” said one sign. A box with loanable art supplies sits at the front desk, free for anyone to use.
The center hosts many events, such as discussions about Black joy and movie screenings or even a Black trivia night. The center also offers academic advising and computers students can use, but the most important thing most students take from the center is community.
Many Black students have found community at the Umoja Center — a difficult thing to do when, according to the Cal Poly Humboldt website, only 3% of students at Humboldt are Black. Delaena Montes, a student assistant at the center, said it’s a place she could feel like herself.
“It’s an open space,” Montes said. “I can reach back to my roots here, my background. I felt like it was somewhere I could be myself. It’s freedom at a very white school. Having a place to escape is a great feeling. I feel comfortable here.”
Kamar Little holds Tigger the bearded dragon at the Umoja Center Feb. 1. Photo by Dezmond Remington
Jerry Turner, Tigger’s owner, agrees. He found the center when he was a freshman last year. He’s a mechanical engineering major with a lot of coursework, so having a place to relax and make friends is important to him.
“It’s a family,” Turner said. “That’s the best way I can put it… all of my friends I’ve met here, at the Umoja Center. It’s just beautiful.”
Ryen Price joined the Umoja Center last year after living in the Sankofa House, the Black culture-focused dorm in Cypress. She started coming to the Umoja Center to meet other Black students. She said she’s made a lot of good friends, the type she has potlucks and in-depth discussions with.
“I love how different we are, but also how similar,” Price said. “We’re like a family here.”
Montes is surprised more students don’t show up to the center, as well as other culturally-focused programs such as the Indian Tribal & Educational Personnel Program or El Centro, located down the hall from the Umoja Center.
“People should know about these places,” Montes said. “There’s a lot of culture up here [in Nelson Hall].”
That doesn’t surprise Kamar Little, a Student Advisory Group for Equity representative at the Office of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Little works to connect students with those centers.
“I’m making them a bigger name,” Little said. “I’m letting people know things exist. There have been instances where people have never heard of [the programs].”
Price said anyone curious or doubting should lay those worries to rest and visit the center.
“People ask themselves, ‘[am I] black enough?’” Price said. “It’s the right place. Don’t think. You’re always welcome here. Don’t be shy, just come.”
Distorted guitars and the punch of a kick drum reverberated off the muraled walls as Humboldt locals and music lovers alike crammed into the cozy one-room venue. The energy was electric. Bodies contorted in the neon light, pushing and pulling to the brink of exhaustion. There was a euphoric yet somber tone to the room; an acknowledgment amongst the crowd that this feeling was fleeting, as that night was the last Blondies show they would ever attend.
Saturday, Jan. 27 marked the last live show at Blondies, with over ten bands on the lineup. Celebrating their 15th anniversary, the beloved venue advertised the show as a birthday party, adorning the entrance with balloons and handing out festive hats at the door. Music started at 5 p.m. and went on into the night as the room swelled to the boom of the bass. Faster sets were accompanied by moshing and crowd surfing.
Blondies has been a staple in the Arcata music scene for years. However, they didn’t get their start with putting on live shows. Blondies owner, Johanna Nagan, recalled getting their foot in the door with open mic nights. Open mic gave community members a chance to showcase their musical abilities in a safe and judgment free environment.
“I think it was important for us to have a yes attitude towards if people had an idea, or if they wanted to try something,” Nagan said. “We intentionally made this space not too precious, so that people could feel relaxed enough to try something new. We felt like that was really important for people to have.”
Eventually, Blondies would go on to host all sorts of live music events such as live shows and jazz nights.
Nagan and the rest of the Blondies crew committed themselves to providing a secure and inclusive spot for seasoned performers and novices. On days when there was no live music, people could be found enjoying sandwiches, craft beer or what some would consider the best tater tots in town. The news of Blondies closing struck the hearts of many because of the environment they had fostered. The announcement was met with many customers reminiscing in the comments of Blondies’ Instagram.
On Sept. 24, the Blondies Instagram account, @blondiesfoodanddrink, announced that the business would officially be for sale after a 15 year run. The caption detailed how to contact the owner with regards to buying Blondies as well as a thank you to all of their faithful patrons over the years.
While many have questioned why Blondies has closed after all these years, Nagan said that they had faced some challenges in expanding the business. There was also concern expressed by the landlord over the types of events they were holding in the building. It is important to note that Blondies also had their liquor license suspended on Jan. 18 after it was revealed an employee had sold alcohol to an underaged patron who was working with the Alcoholic Beverage Control’s Minor Decoy Program. However, there is talk of potentially opening a similar space when and if the time is right.
Blondies can now be immortalized as the spot where many Arcata bands got their start. Cal Poly Humboldt alumni and members of local Arcata self-proclaimed “loser rock” gfjuband Porcelain Dog, Jack Hallinan and Vivian Dawn, were able to squeeze in a show right before they closed.
“The owners were so cool,” Dawn said. “They were just super interested in helping the scene, and as a new band it was super encouraging.”
The Arcata music scene may have lost an iconic venue this weekend. However, all of those jazz nights, open mics and lasting memories will never be forgotten.
“It’s kind of hard to put a feeling into words,” said Bailey Allott, junior at Cal Poly Humboldt and guitarist for Mambo Green and Queen Karma. “You build up all this energy during the week and that was the one night that you could just let it all out. Just feeling like no matter what you’re going through, you just felt like you were a part of something bigger.”
Concert-goer crowd surfing at Blondies during California Poppies set. Photo by Mia Costales
Adjacent to the Arcata plaza sits The Basement at 780 7th Street. They’re open Thursday – Saturday from 6 p.m. to 1 a.m. if you’re looking to have an exciting night.
As far as drinks go, Christina being a Vodka girl, she had the Passion Drop made with jewell citron vodka lined with a sugar rim. The drink was pretty strong in itself and on the pricey side at $14, but good enough to get a nice buzz going.
The Raspberry Lemon Drop was also strong but delicious, a great price at $7. Tequila shots were large. The bartender was sweet and kind despite the rush, and she helped me pick out drinks amongst the chaos. All in all, 7 shots of tequila cost about $43.
The Basement offers some drunk food favorites like soft pretzels or a charcuterie board. If you’ve got a sweet tooth, your options are limited to the flourless chocolate torte.
The downside to the bar is the small space up on that platform waiting to order a drink. If there’s a surplus of people on a particularly busy night, getting up to the bar can be a bit complicated and overwhelming.
We appreciated that there were multiple zones depending on how you spent your time there. If you wanted to sit, there were plenty of tables. If you wanted to chill at the bar, it was crowded but it was there, and, of course, dancing if you wanted to dance. Also every zone didn’t feel isolated from each other, making it easy to enjoy whatever aspect of nightlife you chose, without having to expel yourself from the other aspects.
As for seating, The Basement is probably the largest in terms of space. The layout of the club is reminiscent of the speakeasies of the Prohibition Era. Plenty of tables are on a slightly higher elevation than the main floor. An ornate railing surrounds the main floor. Half of the main floor is designated for tables, while the other half is for patrons to let loose on the dance floor. A stage allows for a band to play tunes for the crowd underneath a neon sign reading, “The Basement.”
Be careful bar hopping though! Arcata is such a small town, you may just run into your drunk boss.
With a $5 cover charge to get into the venue, decent music and good drinks, The Basement gets a 4 out of 5 stars on our rating.
MK Butterfield takes a selfie as Celeste Iliana Sadler Gonzalez Pachano reapplies their lipstick at The Basement.
The fact is. I’m in one, but I’m the other person. Not the person feeling sorry in the relationship. Not that I’m taking advantage of her, but she doesn’t want to fucking leave me. Even though she knows it’ll be the right thing for both of us. I feel bad for being on the other side though.
I’m kinda stuck too. My housing relies on her, so I haven’t ended things.
Oh, dear. Looks like someone accidentally pooped where they eat.
I’ve been where you are; literally, relying on housing from a bad relationship. I wasn’t in a place where I could just up-and-move either.
Realistically, you don’t have a lot of options here. You can either move or make up. The way I got out was by going to college and moving in the dorms, which seriously saved me. My life wasn’t in physical danger, thankfully, but I had definitely lost my sense of self. Moving made me regrasp control of my life.
It sounds like kissing and making up are out of the question in this situation. She’s not over you, but you’re clearly over her. The best thing you can do for the both of you is leave, though that’s easier said than done.
I know rent is crazy expensive around here – and hell, you might be stuck in a lease – but if you have any friends whose place you can crash at, do so immediately. Paying for a storage unit, or pitching in for a friend’s rent, will help you save money in the long run. You can start saving for a therapy fund.
You’ll never truly be ready for anything in life, whether it’s a relationship, moving or anything in between. You have to put yourself in a position where change can find you – ready or not.
The best piece of advice my mom has ever given me is to trust my gut. Intuition is an amazing thing and as a highly sensitive individual, I have finally come to appreciate the signals my body tells me.
Sometimes, we can’t explain why we get these strong instinctive hunches. The uneasiness in your tummy or the tightness of anxiety in your chest. Even when we don’t have all the information, our gut can lead us in the right direction. There’ve been a few situations where this has saved me.
Recently two people very close to me, one being my cousin and the other my best friend, kept a secret from me. They had begun having romantic feelings for each other and instead of telling me, began sneaking around with their exciting new relationship.
Over the course of the next six months, I began to notice a shift in dynamics. People on the outside of a relationship can usually tell something is happening before they even know it themselves. Before the advance in their relationship, I knew I was a priority in this trio, being the one who introduced the two in the first place.
My friends around me would comment on their closeness, asking if I thought they were anything more than friends. I defended them to everyone who asked me what was going on, trusting that my cousin and best friend would be telling me the truth.
My entire family and friend group noticed how they had become increasingly close, even to the point where she was coming over for Thanksgiving and Christmas, being included in family plans without me knowing about it.
When I started specifically asking my best friend about it, I was very quickly gaslit and manipulated into doubting the things I was noticing and the way I was feeling. They kept assuring me that nothing had been going on.
Things came to a head on New Year’s Eve, when I witnessed them sharing a kiss and began pushing me off to the side. Since I wasn’t getting the truth, I looked through my best friend’s phone and saw messages that confirmed my initial feelings. This reassured me that I was not delusional and that my feelings were justified. I was not just making things up.
I now know to never second guess the way I’m feeling. When I get that pit in my stomach and my mind begins to run, I take a second to validate the way I’m feeling. I believe gut feelings are a result of our subconscious mind processing information and making quick judgments, protecting us from what we already may have suspicions of.
The biggest challenge with being Jewish on campus at Cal Poly Humboldt used to be the lack of community. There are small groups here and there but nothing that reminds me of home: a more reformed, modern take on Judaism. After the massacre on Oct. 7, 2023, being Jewish on campus has led to issues that I would not have expected from a school or peers that seemed to hold an immense amount of respect for minorities and Indigenous people. I still see these empathetic and humane values in some individuals, but from my experience it has become too easy for people to pick and choose who they respect, value, or who they are open to hearing from. This in turn has led to a new level of blatant antisemitism that I have not experienced before.
I want to make it clear that this piece is not about my opinions on the current geopolitical conflict between Israel and Hamas in Gaza, because I couldn’t even begin to take on that responsibility. I’m here simply to share that antisemitism is alive and well at Cal Poly Humboldt, and that finding a middle ground, having empathy and seeking peace is productive rather than dismissing, accusing or blatantly hating someone for sharing their lived experiences.
Something that I have made clear since Oct. 7 is that I don’t want people to die. I don’t want death, destruction, genocide, ethnic cleansing or anything else that brings harm to Palestinians in Gaza or the civilians in Israel. This may seem basic to just objectively have empathy for human life, yet that is something that I always feel is missing when people send me hateful anti-semitic DMs accusing me of white supremacy, or of being a genocidal colonist. What they don’t see, or perhaps turn a blind eye to, is me consistently looking to educate myself as an American Jew using resources by Jews, Palestinians, Israelis, historical experts and anyone else providing concrete facts (modern or historical), because one perspective isn’t enough.
Just two days after Oct. 7, anti-semitic messages were written on the sukkah on campus. A sukkah is a traditional Jewish structure used to celebrate the holiday Sukkot. The one thing that was on campus representing Jews (with no connection to the state of Israel) was vandalized. This outward act of anti-semitism was simply the beginning for me.
Just days after, a close friend and business mentor of mine who prides themselves on their knowledge of Indigenous history as well as supporting minorities self-determination and equal rights began discussing Jewish history with me. Since I trusted her as someone who is extremely educated on these topics, I wanted to understand her perspective on the current conflict, however different it might be from mine. A conversation I assumed would lead to progress for both of us. After this conversation, I discovered that she had unfollowed me, unshared her location, and essentially cut me out of her life completely. When I asked why, or if she would have another meaningful conversation with me, she said no because of our fundamental disagreements—the fundamental disagreement being that Jews are from the land of modern day Israel.
With thousands of years of documentation, it is quite clear and flat out historically accurate that Jewish people come from the Kingdom of Judea (previously colonized by the British, Ottomans, Crusaders, Arabs, Romans, Greeks, etc.) Does this take away from Palestinians’ lived experiences today? Absolutely not. Does it justify the actions of the Israeli government? Absolutely not. Is denying this fact erasing Jewish history and their connection to the land? Absolutely.
While I sit here holding empathy for Palestinian civilians in Gaza, acknowledging their pain, struggles and lived experiences, I simultaneously speak about Jewish lived experiences and Jewish history. We can and need to strive for peace, acknowledge and appreciate each other’s connection to the land, value life and not invalidate others to validate ourselves.
Can I be in love with someone I’m not dating? This situationship has got me fucked up.
How do I answer this without coming off like a complete bitch? Your situationship is not real. That’s not to say your feelings aren’t real, or that the love doesn’t exist – but a situationship is not a real thing. The creation of the label “situationship” has opened the doors for this generation to participate in an unwinnable battle: The IDGAF wars. I like you, so let’s find out which one of us can care the least to keep the other person interested without fully committing?
What is a situationship? To me, it’s one person caring more than the other. One person giving more than the other. One person receiving more than the other — you get it. A situationship will never fulfill you in the ways you’re looking for. Rather, this infatuation will leave you feeling more hollow. One person will always have more power than the other.
That’s not to say I don’t understand where you’re coming from; you caught feelings for the wrong person. It happens to the best of us. At the core of it, we are all just creatures looking for love, security, comfort, happiness; we want to feel desired and safe. There is no safety in a situationship. In fact, more often than not, they all have a three month shelf life. Seriously, name one situationship where things stayed good after that three month mark — if that existed, it would evolve into a relationship.
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
Everyone, their mother and their mother’s single best friend knows this phrase. It’s true though! We often don’t love ourselves enough to believe we deserve better, and so we stay in the situation(ships) we know because it’s the space we’ve decided to fill. You deserve to take up space with someone who will appreciate how you light up the room.
When I was 14 going into my freshman year of high school, my mother enrolled me with a new therapist shortly before school started. My parents were concerned about the transition to high school and wanted me to have a support system. I also went to my hair stylist right before so that I’d look presentable for the first day of school.
Just after getting my modernized Karen cut trimmed and getting in the car to go to my appointment, my mother turned to me and told me I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) at four years old. She didn’t want to confuse me when I was younger and didn’t want the therapist to tell me first.
I was livid, but somehow relieved. I finally had a reason for the continual failure to connect with my peers as a child; I had an answer to the “why?” that had plagued me since I started my education. I had a reason, which meant I had a path forward.
Besides telling the entire campus I am autistic before even getting into this article, it’s normally something I don’t bring up. I had witnessed how neurodivergent people were treated throughout my childhood, and my greatest fear was being associated with them. I didn’t want to be “special.” I hated being talked down to by adults and peers. I was infantilized and dismissed until I eventually figured out how to pass as neurotypical.
When I tell people I’m autistic, I’m usually met with surprise. I’m ashamed to say that I feel a bit relieved when I’m told that I don’t seem autistic or that they never would have guessed I was. Internalized ableism is a hell of a beast. I want to embrace my autistic identity, but I also want to blend into neurotypical society. Letting myself unmask means less built-up stress and being able to get things done, but blending in means having friends and job opportunities.
With the life experience I have now, I have found that there is a lack of education on ASD among the general public and the medical field. I have been assessed for ASD twice because a therapist I had a few years ago didn’t believe I was autistic. Since autism assessments are based on outdated research, I was genuinely afraid that the psychologist doing the test wouldn’t believe me either. I’ve been met with hospital staff declaring me neurotypical after two minutes of knowing me.
An autism assessment is almost traumatic in and of itself. There is no established test for older children and adults. The current test is made for young children and involves playing with toys and reading picture books. Having to play pretend with Barbies at 17 years old to prove you’re autistic is a little humiliating. I stomached the preschool voice that all adults use with autistic people and whatever juvenile task I was given to prove that my experience was real.
I don’t want my autism to be defined by suffering and shame. I try to make connections with other neurodivergent people and allow myself to use resources that will help me. Being a part of a community has helped me cope with the stress of blending into neurotypical society. I still put on the mask when I go about my day, but I now have times when I can unwind with people who understand my experience.
Autism has become much more visible in mainstream media since I was younger. There are autistic social media influencers and shows with autistic characters. While we aren’t quite there yet as a society, I have seen monumental progress in the normalization of autistic people. We now see a wider diversity of experiences and, with new social media platforms, we can see those experiences in everyday life.
Our society was not made with neurodivergent people in mind. Being neurodivergent can look different for every person, and who are we to decide who gets to have the label and who doesn’t? Neurotypical people haven’t taken me seriously even with a diagnosis.
One of the biggest contributors to internalized ableism is worrying about what the majority thinks; worrying that the autistic community won’t be taken seriously because of your individual experience. You don’t have to prove to anyone that you are autistic, nor do you have to tone yourself down to make everyone else comfortable. You are allowed to put a label on your experience so you don’t have to continue asking yourself, “Why?”
I’ve always wanted to be one of those girls with zero online presence; carrying around a flip phone, spending their downtime reading classic literature in a field of flowers. If you’re one of those people, feel free to stop reading now.
I, like many young people today, am the victim of chronic social media usage and the (more than) occasional doom scroll. I’ve always had a hard time embracing my social media crutch, but especially since middle school. It started one day after I lost a year-long “snap streak.” I rage-quit off the app, and never looked back. After getting the ick from Snapchat, I couldn’t fully quit. Some may say it made me cling onto other platforms, like Instagram, even more.
Now at this point you might be thinking to yourself, “What do you mean Carlina? Why can’t you be both a nature girly and an Instagram baddie?” I can, but if I am reading classic literature in a flower field, you already know it’s going on my Instagram story. Maybe even on the main feed with a cute little caption like, “love this life <3.”
But then… am I actually reading my book or did I all of a sudden get distracted and start looking at memes -– dare I say, doom scrolling -– even though I’m supposed to be enjoying the outdoors? It’s a vicious cycle.
Now look, this opinion isn’t to rant about social media, and maybe I just have a toxic relationship with the internet, but I’ve become honest with myself and my daily social media intake. Although there’s a lot of bad, there’s so much good, too. From new career opportunities to media coverage on a whole new level, social media is undeniably an important resource in today’s society.
That being said, the essential role social media plays in everyone’s day-to-day life has made certain platforms evolve from a place where you can see what your cousin in Idaho is doing to a constant stream of media published by people you’ve never met. Depending on how many accounts you subscribe to, the posts you’d like to see, like your Aunt Susan’s new pumpkin pie recipe, might get drowned and lost forever to the mainstream. That’s where the headline comes in.
I feel very strongly about the new(ish) social media platform: BeReal. I suppose I should mention this is not sponsored, although I wish it was.
BeReal is an app where users get a notification at a random time everyday. The notification goes off at the same time for each user, and at a completely different time each day. When you get the notification, you’re prompted to take a selfie, then a photo with the back camera. This quick photo spree creates a completely unfiltered feed of/for your close friends. If you give the app permission, it will even document your general location and what you’re listening to, so your friends on the app can get the whole vibe. For me, this ranges from my bestie sitting on the toilet, to that cousin in Idaho grinding homework, or maybe even a colleague at a concert.
It’s a beautiful thing, seeing what everyone is doing at the same time. Don’t fret though, if you miss the notification, you can post a late BeReal. Everyone sees you posted late, and you’re limited to one photo instead of the newly added feature where if you post your first photo on time, you get to post two more.
One time, after I had missed the BeReal notification, I decided to take my late BeReal during my maid of honor speech at my sister’s wedding. It was an epic ice-breaker, a beautiful moment and a memory captured on camera from my POV that will be forever cherished.
In summary, here’s a few of the reasons you should ditch your current favorite social media and make the switch to BeReal:
The rush of getting a BeReal notification. The joy of exclaiming, “It’s time to BeReal!” and seeing everyone pull out their phones.
Seeing everyone’s unfiltered, and at times ugly, selfies.
Limited posts, so you’re unable to doom scroll.
If you need more of a social media fix, you can see what your friends-of- friends are up to.
Getting an inside look into what your friends actually do day to day.
Having a collection of daily selfies to look back on.
And as a journalist, no news! Just a lighthearted escape from the stress of reality, and the constant stream of media we are always consuming.
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