Washing Your Hands is Cool

by Kaylon Coleman

It’s November, which means a multitude of things. Veterans Day, Fall Break, Daylights Savings Ending, a few LJ editor birthdays, mine included. But, it also means flu season — and if you live in Humboldt County, you know this is when the rain really starts to ramp up. For the initiated, the “Humboldt Hack” is probably something you’re all too familiar with. For the freshman and transfers who may not be… trust me, you soon will be.

Now more than ever — except for when we had that pandemic a few years back — I implore you to wash your hands. 

Now, there’s a good chance some of you read that byline and thought, ‘Who doesn’t wash their hands?’ Which is completely valid and you’re right in thinking that.  I’m hoping it’s near the 0-2% range, but those aren’t the outliers I’m referring to. 

In my headcanon, a majority of people my age — or, hopefully a majority of people in general — were primarily taught to wash their hands post number one and number two; maybe skipping a cheeky pee here and there. But, I think the art of washing your hands without the excretion prerequisite has been lost.

Let me paint you a picture. It’s a Wednesday night, you decide to go to Harbor Lanes for $3 bowling with a couple friends. You play best of three — loser has to cop the winners In-N-Out. After some quaint belt-to-butt, you’re mad marved and rush to the car elated, thinking about this free double-double you’re about to buss down. Yet, in all your glutinous manifestations you forget one crucial thing — washing your hands. 

Now, the culmination of every germ that has encountered that bowling ball lies within your digits. The kid screaming ‘6, 7’ who couldn’t stop digging for gold. The Jerry Garcia lookalike whose chonies just weren’t sitting right. The party of four who ordered the extra, extra greasy pizza. Every germ now resides with you.

If it wasn’t already apparent, I’m somewhat of a germaphobe; I get it from my mom. I’mma always offer the last bite or a waterfall when I can. But above all, my hands are my tension point. If I’m out-and-about and I feel the muck and grime of the day accumulate, best believe I’m washing my hands first chance I get — it’s like a reset, it’s liberating. I can freely scratch my face without trillions of germs bombarding my forehead, or I can eat stress-free without the thought of any bacteria trying to cop a free meal.

We should normalize just going to the bathroom to wash our hands. Embrace and celebrate it, for it’s one of the most jubilant joys one can partake in. So, once again I’m pleading, as flu season looms near, just wash your hands. And if you still believe this article’s redundant, next time you go out to the mall, movies or lanes with your pals — when all’s said and done, just sit and observe, and you might be more appalled than you think.

Kaylon Coleman is a senior journalism major with a concentration in news and a minor in communications. He is the opinion editor for LJ. He is also the vice president of the Black Student Union at CPH, Marketing and Communications lead for the Umoja Center and a part-time radio DJ and merch manager for KRFH. If you have a topic you want him to discuss, email him at kc403@humboldt.edu